books 31 Jan 2006 09:29 am
Woman First, Family Always, part 2
I finished yesterday and much of my sentiments from the first half remain, albeit sadly. It’s best summed up with the publisher’s description in the jacket:
“Happily married and the mother of ten, Kathryn Sansone is centered, fit, organized, and beautiful. But Supermom? Absolutely not….”
Written from the vantage point of publishing execs, who, if they are women, do not stay at home (!!) I can see why they’d look on this author with admiration. She *is* beautiful. And she’s very considerate and respectful of her husband so I’m sure she’s happily married. She’s obviously fit and organized to the nth degree.
But having read the book, I think she’s more self-centered than centered in general and I won’t be joining her club, as the quote goes on to petition.
Early on she has an insert about the contrast of moms who work outside the home and those who stay at home. Whether or not it’s best of the kids, she thinks that this choice is all about what make the woman happy. Hence the title I supose. She also says that there is equality in work and stress levels for both.
I didn’t get that. I think working women have it much, much harder. They have to juggle more balls and look good doing it. They must spend a good deal of time feeling torn about how much effort each area gets. When someone gets sick, they can’t just have a “jammie day”. No, I didn’t get that.
But then she describes her days. 8 hours in the car…in traffic! Multiple kids in sports plus her own. By her own admission she doesn’t “stay at home” much and that’s very clear. There’s just not enough hours in the day. With the way she juggles things I can see how relating to someone who works outside the home would be applicable.
As I did yesterday, I still don’t think there’s much I could apply. David said, “she’s not very immitatable, is she?” And how. She’s the uber-soccer mom, Stepfordish suburbanite, shopping often, cooking with gourmet foods, and decorating ala the pottery barn catalog. Yes, I admit to strong envy hearing her describe her mud room, where each child has a cubbie with thier photo, seasonal sports equiptment, and daily needs all neatly hung in a row!
That doesn’t make that beautiful system a “word of wisdom I can use in my down times”. Sigh.
I’m kind of sorry she’s put herself out there. No one, or at least not I, would have critiqued her way of doing things if it wasn’t out in print, encouraging me to apply her “wisdom”. She lives with alot of people and out of necessity manages them. For thier lifestyle, I’m sure she does a “good” job. It’s just not how enough of society can emmulate to make it worth pages and a binding.
What saddened my spirit most was something in the end, when she’s talking about how the kids go down for the night: “I never sat in a room with a child and rocked them to sleep.”
I think Kathryn Sansone has missed out on a whole dynamic of mothering entirely.
on 31 Jan 2006 at 10:49 am 1.Lori said …
From you summation, I agree. It makes me sad. One of my favorite times is when a child was going to bed and when they first wake up, we seem to have our best “cuddle/quality” time. And rocking and reading to my children (which I still do with my 7 yr old) I would not trade for the world.
I wonder once they are gone, and grown…what will she see when she looks back..all the time rumming around (that don’t matter anymore), or the quality time, the special time with each child. And yes that is possible even in a large family.
Thank you for reviewing this book.
on 02 Feb 2006 at 10:02 pm 2.Cindy said …
wow. That is outrageously sad. My favorite time of day is snuggling in bed with my kids and hearing about their day and hugging them to sleep. As babies, I would stare at them for hours and long for them to wake up.
I always got the feeling that her family was happy, but after reading this, it makes so much more sense–they are, but they aren’t.
on 07 Feb 2006 at 4:50 pm 3.Eleanor said …
I saw the book in Kroger then looked her up on the Internet. Oprah is in love with her but I think it’s Kathryn Sansone’s packaging that is what is attractive to Oprah. I didn’t like the message either, just leafing through the book and reading bits on the Internet. I have two kids and I would never miss night time reading and cuddling with either of them.
Yet I can say that practical organized Moms can do a great job too. It’s just a different job that doesn’t suit my temperment. I won’t be buying her book.
on 07 Feb 2006 at 5:07 pm 4.Eleanor said …
Check out this link. She has a house keeper etc….
on 07 Feb 2006 at 5:08 pm 5.Eleanor said …
Oops Sorry. Didn’t work the first time. Check out this link. It tells a little more about how she does it.
http://www.teachmorelovemore.org/ArticlesDetails.asp?articleid=9582
on 07 Feb 2006 at 5:46 pm 6.Tia said …
Thanks for sharing the article. With her unattainable for most lifestyle, her true audience is much smaller than she thinks. Oprah really needs to stress that KS’s income and outside help are much greater than the book portrays, especially after the *last* O book with truth issues
on 09 Feb 2006 at 11:25 am 7.Cindy said …
The article is such a lie! She has had help for YEARS! The kids are around town with babysitters at all times. NEVER in 10 years have I EVER seen ONE kid with her when running into HER at the grocery store or coffee house. Her kids paying for their own books? Give me a break! The 18 year old drives a HUMMER and wears a rolex! EVERY one of the kids wears designer clothes. They tore down a $2 million dollar house to build a $5 million dollar one. Here, go to google earth, check out for yourself the truth that OPRAH fails to mention! #9 Radnor st louis mo 63131.
Budget airfare to fly to florida for the weekend to stay at the best hotel in town? Who is buying this? How about the family trip for 50+ cousines, uncles, etc…to the bahamas?
Oprah and her staff blew it on this one worse than with Frey. They are shoving down our throats that THIS woman and her advice will somehow help us improve our lives. Sorry. NOT buying it. It is a HUGE lie.
She can be so at peace because she has never had ONE worry, her life is so priveldged that it just isn’t even funny.
And, she did NOT “write” this book. She maybe gave some dicatation or notes but how many mothers refer to their kids as “the youngest” or the “second”.
on 11 Feb 2006 at 5:30 pm 8.Maggie said …
In response to Cindy, you forgot to mention that she puts her children in FULL TIME day care at the age of 2. The other children in the day care center are the children of working parents. How else would a mother of 10 possibly have time to write a book. Why doesn’t Oprah ask these questions?
on 18 Feb 2006 at 12:31 pm 9.Tonia said …
I am so glad that I found this website, because I had picked up Kathryn’s book and have been reading it….and instead of inspiring me I just feel more and more depressed….I am a mother of six, my husband owns and operates his own fruit farm - so needless to say he works 7 days a week - and financially we are slaves to weather and the markets. I thought how does this women have all the time and energy…because I certainly don’t - but seeing how she has her kids in daycare and has hired help — I get it now…
on 28 Mar 2006 at 12:19 pm 10.Cindy said …
Here’s another “why didn’t Oprah ask” issue: This woman didn’t even write the book! A fancy NYC publishing firm, high powered agents did the “deal”, someone who writes decorating books wrote it and “interviewed” ms Sansone for it.
Kathryn sends her Ipod off to others to download songs, she passes her kids off to others to raise them, she doesn’t answer emails at her website or do anything to give advice and help personally to women “her representative” does that, she didn’t write the book that has her name on it…..she doesn’t do her own house work…..
WHAT exactly does she do?
AND why should we listen to her advice? I am not clear on that one?
Just because she happens to be pretty and thin and sitting in Oprah’s audience one day? THAT makes her the voice of authority!? I am SOOOO ready to gag
on 10 Apr 2006 at 11:16 pm 11.Eri said …
Thank you sooooooooooo much everyone for commenting about the not so obvious questions and now answers that we are all looking for as moms. This woman should have never been showcased on Oprah. In fact, I have written the website twice hoping they would expose the Sansone Family the way they did Mr. Frey just so REAL moms realize the truth.
on 14 Apr 2006 at 5:36 pm 12.Stacey Taggart said …
I am so relieved to find this website! I just read an article about Kathyrn Sansone, complete with lots of pictures of this “beautiful” family, in a Christian magazine. It’s a new mag, called “Lily,” and I’m really disappointed in it. This article, along with one about Trading Spaces designer Laurie Smith, seems to imply that the key to being a godly woman, wife and mom is to be beautiful and self-centered. I was overwhelmed after reading about both women…wondered how I was struggling so much just to be a stay-at-home mother of two little girls…never being able to keep up with laundry, housekeeping, grocery shopping, and cooking! How DOES one do it all? I am so happy to know it’s because we actually do STAY AT HOME without a housekeeper, nanny, childcare, etc. Anything that gets done with the house or my kids, I DO IT! So much for keeping fit and beautiful for my husband.
Thanks for all the insight and encouragement!
on 14 Apr 2006 at 8:23 pm 13.Tia said …
I’ve recently added another post regarding Kathryn Sansone; it’s more of an offering of a real “super mom” to emmulate, should we wish. Here’s the link:
http://www.sixredheads.com/2006/04/13/an-alternative-to-kathryn-sansone/
on 18 Apr 2006 at 5:07 pm 14.Shannon said …
I’m glad to find this site, too. I remember seeing the episode where Oprah singled Kathryn out, too, and I agree with the poster who said that Oprah is in love with Kathryn’s packaging.
This is going to sound terribly judgemental, but I’m disappointed that Oprah is showcasing this woman for a different reason than all those mentioned here. I honestly support women whether they work or stay home or whether they breast feed or use a bottle…whatever their choices may be, moms need support. But, while my husband and I are just as fascinated by our DNA as anyone else, after three biological kids we decided to adopt the fourth one.
I would never dream of saying this out loud to anyone with a lot of kids, but if Oprah wants to create a poster child of Motherhood, I know an amazing woman who has adopted nine kids and is just as fit as Kathryn!
on 25 May 2006 at 7:44 am 15.Stephanie said …
wow, I was surprised to read this spin on the book, i just finished reading it this morning and loved it, read the book in a few days. I agree some parts would not be practical for my lifestyle but overall thought it was a good book.
on 08 Mar 2007 at 2:37 pm 16.katie said …
I have read this bood and I am smart enough(and would think you are too) to know that she must have a different life than I do. However some of the points in the book did strike a cord with me. The marraige section I thought was interesting, it is easy to forget to take care of that aspect when you are engrossed in child rearing.
One person wrote that she thinks all moms need support. However Kathryn Sansone chooses to raise her family is none of my business. Stop bashing and let all moms feel supported. The problem with us women is that we are so judgemental of one another. We need to band together for the better of our children.
Besides for all you great moms who would never pawn your kids off who, is watching them while you are watching Oprah! Face it super moms we are all human.
on 16 Mar 2007 at 12:05 am 17.Jenn-Therese said …
Okay ladies, I think what did it for me was reading from a previous post about their 5 million dollar home and the oldest kid has a Hummer. Yeah…I can really relate to that in our 80,000 house that was built in the 1940’s and our 11 year-old mini-van with 190,000 miles! I like Holly Pierlot’s “A Mother’s Rule of Life” much better. It is more religious (Catholic) in nature than KS, but Holly lives in the real world (hubby is a teacher) and I think the other 99.9% of us can relate to her a lot better than we can one of the Desperate Housewives-Catholic Millionaire Husband Edition!
on 15 Aug 2007 at 6:52 pm 18.Living Deliberately » When a choice isn’t “all about me”…. said …
[…] part 2 of the book review […]
on 04 Jun 2008 at 9:49 pm 19.ann said …
her’s is an interesting book, but the truth of the matter is you can NOT raise that many kids effectively without some help of some kind, be it from the older siblings or hired help, and you know what, that’s okay, to have/get help. i find it dis-heartening when women feel like they have to to do it all by being a SAHM (which is the HARDEST job in the world, in my opinon, I know having done both that and being a working mom as well at different times), and don’t give themselves enough credit or help. IT’s OKAY to get help, don’t martyr yourself, be that as a working mom or SAHM, your kids deserve (and thrive on) as much time and attention as you can give them, and you also deserve a break once in a while too. KUDO’S to ALL moms out there (especially the ones that raised us and instilled in us the good things we will pass on to our own kids!)!!!!