Living-Deliberately.com

pardon the common vernacular of a 5 year old. It is, after all, the language of those I spend most of my time with!

I was not avoiding this computer transfer because I’m scared of technology. I don’t have intelligence burn spots. I don’t think this cute little laptop (or Microsoft) is really out to get me and I don’t think computers have some kind of AI that is going to soon take over the world.

Nope. It sat in it’s box for two weeks because I was procrastinating the major obstacles I knew I’d face. I knew that my inbox and email program would be hard, yet completely necessary, to figure out. I knew that the new keyboard would make blogging slow. I knew that nothing would go as we thought it would. I knew that I’d have to spend hours upon hours giving my kids a mere fraction of me, that the house would suffer as a result, things on our to-do list would get pushed back. Worse still, other people on the outside looking in would not understand and just wonder why I was so incapable of getting my job done.
So I ignored it. I checked to make sure everything got here in one piece and then set the pretty new computer aside. I made jokes about how I was too intimidated to face it. I let other people think I was silly and clueless. I called the cable guy and secretely rejoiced when they indicated the nearest appointment was weeks away. I whinned about computer problems to my dad because that was easier to talk about than saying the truth that I miss him so badly it’s painful.
And then all at once, like a broken tooth and the dreaded dentist visit, I knew it had to be done. We have business time lines that are stagnated. I knew the problem wasn’t going to go away the longer I put it off. Ironically I get angry when I hear others parot back my own goofiness…I don’t really want to be that person I was portraying in avoidance of a frustration. I am bigger than this darned computer!
So here we go. It’s every bit as difficult as I knew it would be. I constantly wonder if the homework I did was true and that a MAC would have avoided alot of this headache. The fridge has no milk, the laundry isn’t folded, my butt’s asleep from hours in this hard chair, family members wonder why I can’t orchestrate enough contact between kids and them, my inbox lies in jeoprady of not being transfered which later becomes an organizational nightmare. Thank God the weather has been nice and the kids have been able to play outside. That we have a nice stack of library books and the kids are actually interested in them. We have some excellent puzzles that have come out this week. I can look past floors badly needing to be vacuumed if the kids are at least busy and happy. They need me and as soon as I get this techno jungle navigated I’ll be back full-time. I’ll just have to smooth out the wrinkles of everything else later.
A little son just brought me buttery daffodils from the woods. Priorities are beautiful things.

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