Living-Deliberately.com

As early as last fall I had plans for this weekend. For several years I’ve been a part of a fluidly sized online group of women and we kind of a have an annual “retreat”.I think there has been one a year but that would almost be coincidental; they are planned when a: someone offers to host and b: we get desperate to see each other.  I missed the one before this one because baby was only 4 weeks and a very sensitive one at that. So I set my sights on the one in Baton Rouge this weekend, set the money aside, and eagerly anticipated going! It’s a time to be a “girl”: get nails done, hair done, wear clothes without snoogers on the shoulder, listen to “grown up” music, get a change of scenery…
Then stuff started to happen. There is one member who is not active on the actual forum but is still involved with a few of the members who was coming. I was very apprehensive about how that was going to “mix”. I had doubts about how I was going to get there and every time I said, “when I’m at the retreat” I realized that in the back of my mind, I couldn’t really envision it at all. Weeks passed. The friend I was riding with had unexpected dental expenses and had to cancel. Other options of transportation didn’t work out. And, finally, I withdrew my name from the list.

In the days leading up to the trip, the ones going are full of the fun of planning and anticipation. They are going to have a great time! Last week, when I got sick and then so did the kids, I realized that I while I was a bit jealous of my friends, thier time away, and the giddy fun they were about to have, I was also relieved that I wasn’t trying to plan to “get away” when I was sick and my family so obviously needed me. Then this week’s sickness turned out to be much, much worse than last’s. I’m relapsing, probably from a lack of sleep, and the ones that have been healthy over the last week are now getting sick.

Add in that David has a very important meeting tomorrow that could affect our future and I can see, feel, and realize how critical my presense is this weekend.  Maybe it’s a fever-induced headache, but just now I’m perfectly content that my plans were spoiled. The opprotunity for some girl-time away may or may not come; I’ll not hang my hopes on the idea of “later”. That comes from years of wondering when David and i will have a night alone when in all of our marriage, that has never happened. As we say, “the stars never align”. There are too many LOL. But, happening in the future or not, what really matters in the here and now. I’m needed HERE, NOW.

Guess I’ll go change my shirt. This one has snoogers on it.

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