books 13 Apr 2006 08:15 am
An Alternative to Kathryn Sansone…..
I heard of this family yesterday. The Duggar Family, with a large amount of children…based on the articles and the website it seems like 13-15 but I can’t get a clear answer.
She homeschools them all. They just built, with thier own hands and debt free, a 7000 square foot house, complete with cool features such as a laundromat, commercial kitchen, sewing room, playroom, etc. They drive around in a mini bus. All the kids take violin and piano. In a lot of ways, they are a typical example of those who are “Gothard Families”
Being a “Gothardite” is not something I necessarily recommend. Nor do I think that to be a mom worthy of holding up as an example must you have the most children, always homeschool every single one of them, or wear dresses all the time. Kathryn has better hair than the most recent picture I could find of Michelle Duggar. And, judging from the Duggar family recipe page, the Sansone’s eat a healthier diet. Every single recipe was full of MSG and I watched a video clip of them grocery shopping…truly full of nasties.
So no one’s perfect ‘eh?
What I appreciate about the Duggar family, the articles about them, the news clips… was disclosure. They aren’t standing up there pretending to be something they’re not. They aren’t claiming that everyone needs to follow thier example and do it their way because “they really do it all”, as Kathryn Sansone did. What her husband does, how they got where they are, and what a day at thier home really looks like is all laid out there.
Michelle doesn’t have manicured nails. Her hair needs an update. She doesn’t play competitive tennis, weight train, or take long trips away with her husband. What she does, and it’s obvious, is spend a tremendous amount of time actually mothering those 15 or so kids. Reading about her, I didn’t get the same creeped out feeling about her kids that I did with the Sansone’s, that there was a high chance that one or two little ones weren’t really heard or considered while on the media tour. I didn’t feel that dirty feeling I thought Kathryn’s friends must have after hearing her talk about them from Michelle, who didn’t do anything but actually encourage other women.
Most of all, I felt that even if I didn’t have 15 kids, I could still take away something from Michelle’s day and improve my own mothering. She has a truly wonderful laundry/clothing organizational tip on her website. I will never cook the way she does! Or wear prairie jumpers. But after reading about her, I cuddled my kids on my lap and felt edified in my role. With Kathryn Sansone’s material, I felt defensive and apologetic.
Michelle won “Young Mother of the Year” one year. I think she more than deserved it.
More on the subject of large families and a study in contrasting presentations:
“Women First, Family Always“, by Kathryn Sansone, book review part 1 and part 2.
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on 13 Apr 2006 at 2:03 pm 1.gina said …
Sound so much like a family I know here, the Povich’s. I think they have at least 10 kids, the mom has homeschooled them all I think, and the dad is a very good doctor here. They have a huge house and also drive around in a large van. Carol has the kids all playing piano and violin, and most of them were in the play that Tyler was just in. They are very talented. The mom is a hard person to talk to, she’s quite introverted, but their family was quite the blessing to us all at church. They left the church a couple years ago and I had heard that since they weren’t able to find a church, they were also homechurching! They thought the Baptists were too liberal- imagine that!
on 20 Apr 2006 at 1:18 pm 2.Cindy said …
I read the reviews for the Sansone book on Amazon and was amazed at how horrible the reviews are, yet the ranking of the book is high. What’s the deal? Just because Oprah says she’s a great mom, everyone flocks to buy it, even though the book is basically an ego trip for the author? I can’t wait to check out the Duggers, thanks for passing it on!
on 25 Apr 2006 at 10:08 am 3.Cindy said …
NOW we know more about Ms. Sansone’s life! on your multimillion dollar property, install a football field to keep your kids busy, and when school is out, farm them out to camp so that you aren’t bothered with “mothering” as it would get in the way of your workingout and being “perfect”
http://stlouis.bizjournals.com/stlouis/stories/2005/07/04/focus8.html
Do-it-yourself projects are not foreign ideas to Jimmy Sansone and his younger brother Nikko Sansone. The industrious sons of Kathryn and Jim Sansone, principal of the Sansone Group, recently sponsored a sports camp in their backyard.
Nikko, 14, a recent St. Genevieve du Bois graduate, enticed classmates to join the camp. “Kids would hear about it and bring friends the next day,” Kathryn Sansone said.
The camp, hosted on the Sansone’s 3.5 acre property, focused on a different sport each day, and young campers came geared for the day’s events. The 50-plus campers divided into four teams and played basketball, soccer, hot-box and capture the flag, among other games. The camp ran from 9 a.m. to noon, and the boys plan to host another camp in August.
The young entrepreneurs charged $60 for the week-long camp, but allowed their younger siblings to join free of charge. The two earned in excess of $3,000 through the camp. Jimmy, 17, and Nikko each plan to donate $500 of their earnings to a charity.
In another effort to keep their children entertained, the Sansones have installed a 50-yard football field in their backyard. The field will be complete with uprights, which are currently on order. The cost for the field was minimal, Jim said. Lining paint for the field costs $150.
“It keeps them active and out,” he said. Jim, not a proponent of video games, also installed a gym in the family’s basement.
The Sansones welcomed their 10th child and seventh son, Marco, to the family on June 16. With the anticipated arrival of No. 10, Kathryn said they enrolled their older children in more camps than usual this summer to keep them busy.
With the eight older children enrolled in some 16 camps, Kathryn keeps track of the comings and goings on a simple calendar in the family’s kitchen. The camps, as diverse as their children’s interests, range from one-day camps to overnight zoo excursions and cost a total of more than $3,000.
A staple in the family’s summer is the Gary Kornfeld Saint Louis University High School (SLUH) football camp.
“The boys just love it,” Jim said. “It’s their favorite. They like the way (Kornfeld) runs the camp.”
The week-long camp ran June 13-16. SLUH varsity football players Jimmy and Conrad, a.k.a. “Big,” 16, helped to run the camp that their three younger brothers — Lan, 13; Stefan, 12; and Anthony, 8 — attended.
Sophia Sansone, 10, expressed her creative side with a handful of art camps. She participated in the one-day Sign of the Arrow needlepoint camp; the Yucandu Art Camp held in Webster Groves; and the Eunice Farmer sewing camp. During the week-long Yucandu camp she was able to create an array of crafts she was quick to put on display.
“Art camps are fun,” Kathryn said. “As much as she loved sports, this was something to just change it up.”
on 30 Apr 2006 at 5:20 pm 4.Jessica Chiappetta said …
I picked up the Sansone book and read it in a night. I have four kids 9,8,3 and 11 months. I found the book interesting. I too love the Duggar family but would caution anyone to not compare the Sansone family and the Duggars. It isn’t fair to compare family’s and I have recieved great information from both of these women. I think they both are great moms and doing there best. Good for Kathryn for taking time to write her book and I think she is smart for working out and eating right. I liked her approach to life…it is true that a smile brightens those around us. And her tips on lipstick going a long way are so true!
on 30 Apr 2006 at 7:01 pm 5.Tia said …
Hi Jessica~my main point in drawing any comparison at all between the two families is this: KS presented herself as actually mothering her children and yet not only did her book reveal that little of her time and day is actually spent *with* her kids, but if my comments on the other Sansone posts I wrote are to beleived, her real life would show that even less time than the book portrayed is actually spent parenting! I didn’t find her book without merit but I did find it to be misrepresentaive.
When I heard about the Duggars I saw a woman not so much talking about herself, someone who probably gets a bit of time (based on her ability to delegate) to herself (Woman First) but who clearly has her “Family Always”. She *is* actually spending her days mothering her family!
Working out, taking care of ourselves, having somewhat of a “life” away from our little children and some space to think….I think these are all very good things and make for a stronger mother. KS far and away has more resources availabe to her than the rest of us and for that reason alone we should not strive to do what she does (and there are many other reasons as well imo). I could not, however, shake the feeling while reading the book that somewhere, her children (or at least some of them) must feel very lonley and “managed” rather than mothered.
on 01 May 2006 at 8:18 am 6.Ellen said …
I feel the book by KS leaves out alot of things about the family - how they are dropped off at the country club in the early morning and picked up at 7pm. I see KS out and no mother of ten who really spends the time with the children will look as manicured as she does. She has nannies, babysitters, housekeepers etc…. I would much rather hear about a mother who really tries to stretch a dollar and provides so much for her children on a tight budget and who loves being a mother rather than a woman bragging about being a mother of ten
on 01 May 2006 at 10:50 am 7.Jessica Chiappetta said …
Good points to ponder. Thankyou for taking the time to share your points of view. I was just pointing out that between these two moms KS and Duggars that maybe a healthy balance is needed for both of these moms. I parent four children and my husband owns a company and with his long hours away I find leaving the kids for an hour or two daily is a nice break but I love being a mom and would not trade this for anything in the world. Tiny breaks are wonderful( we have a nieghborhood sitter) but I have no interest in a nanny or housekeeper. I like being the one to care for my kids and home. Having said that though if we chose to have a very large family I can see how it would help to have as much help as possible, yet it would be important to still mother my family so I see the points you all are making.Again thanks for sharing your thoughts!
on 03 May 2006 at 1:21 pm 8.Beth said …
I have an idea for “wife swap”
Kathryn and Michelle
on 03 May 2006 at 5:19 pm 9.Cindy said …
http://www.kathrynsansone.com/family_mass_speech.pdf
OK, I think that it isn’t the woman herself that is the problem, it just has to be the publisher/author who didn’t show the heart and soul of the woman and family. Read this that was on her website, I cried and would love to be part of such a close family. It is a shame that the book didn’t leave us all with the warm feeling that the son’s prayer does. The family and people in it are obviously super, but the book itself leaves one wanting to know the ‘real story’. Ok, they are wealthy beyond measure and she lives like a pampered princess, but DESPITE that, she does it all right, is raising good people, is kind and happy….that should have been her message, not ‘do what I do and aren’t I neet’ because on my $50,000 a year life, that just isn’t going to happen! a night out is to the laundry mat and lipstick is for the kids to put on the wall in our home! LOL
on 03 May 2006 at 6:54 pm 10.Tia said …
Here’s my problem with the idea that it was just the publisher. There is too much selfish evidence from her own mouth, like in the quote on her front page: “There’s no secret…the ways I choose to approach my life and my relationships are not especially fancy or complicated. These techniques are the results of the lessons I’ve learned over the years that help me stay in control and also feel real fulfillment…. If I can do it, you can too!â€
Now, I just read that that thing by thier oldest, and besides the idea of teenage boys sleeping with little girls it still unsettles me. I don’t find it to be very realistic or believable or very likely to be emmulated, even though I feed my kids big breakfasts, dinner every night, my kids bicker over chores, and we say prayers. Mostly, I’d never try to be the Super Woman she claims we all can be, no matter how many kids I have. There are big gaps in this story and it’s the gaps that speak the loudest.
on 28 Sep 2006 at 9:10 pm 11.Nicole Maendel said …
My personal opinion was that Sansone’s book was a nice book of tips..nothing new or novel though.
Michelle Duggar, sweet as she may be, needs to follow a bit more in Sansone’s footsteps in the personal care department. We’re living in 2006, not the 1800’s. As far as diet goes, that’s what happens when folks have absurd amounts of children..the kids end up suffering. I have two fabulous sons…one who breastfed for 1 year and my youngest still going at 15 months…I wholeheartedly give my all to them, BUT…as Kathyrn Sansone will tell you…moms MUST carve out personal time and take care of themselves mentally and physically. Yes, children are sweet and cute, but moms should not fall into the trap of identifying themselves only by their children..OR hiding behind them. As Kathryn proves, it is important to stay attractive for the sake of your self-esteem as well as the sake of your marriage…remember the husband (that guy who should still be your best friend?)
on 23 Oct 2006 at 8:18 pm 12.Carolyn said …
Both Duggar and Sansone should be appreciated for having the courage to publish useful tips to other mothers.
Hopefully neither one of them will ever have to read the less than charitable comments/critiques thrown around about them online.
Both families clearly have a lot of love which is what really matters…whether we’re rich and send our kids to school or living simply and homeschooling. Why don’t we spend our free time encouraging each other rather than comparing?
on 25 Oct 2006 at 11:51 am 13.Keishia said …
Well said Carolyn!
on 26 Oct 2006 at 7:42 am 14.Living Deliberately » Comparisons said …
[…] The other day an old post of mine on Kathryn Sansone got a couple of new comments. This happens from time to time; her book is still a hot topic for some I guess. Being very involved over the last few days with bigger fish to fry, I didn’t reply to the comments but last night, when I was suposed to be dreaming I think, some thoughts came to me instead that this morning I’d like to express. […]
on 11 Jan 2007 at 4:19 pm 15.cindy said …
http://www.marketwire.com/mw/release_html_b1?release_id=177134
OH my! This beats all! I just stumbled across this, Ms. Sansone, wife of multi-millionair developer James Sansone is pitching rechargeable batteries because they help her save money!
She does it all, and recharges her batteries to save a few nickles!
on 23 Jan 2007 at 10:23 am 16.Melanie said …
Just a few minor corrections: The name is spelled with an “a,” not an “e”: Duggar, not Dugger. Secondly, as of December 2006, the Duggar family has 18 kids, not 15. I believe the latest addition was born in March of ‘06.
I know three families with many children. Two have ten kids and homeschool and live simply (though the girls don’t all wear dresses :-p) and the other has nine kids, the mom works as a midwife, and I don’t know whether they’re homeschooled or not. However, of the two ten-kid families, I have found that all of the kids are healthy and happy and VERY mature. I don’t think it’s right to judge any given mother according to which tips or rules of another mother she should follow, and I believe it’s especially insulting to suggest that one woman needs make-up tips or should work on her physical appearance.
on 18 Feb 2007 at 11:58 pm 17.Karen said …
I have to respond to this: As far as diet goes, that’s what happens when folks have absurd amounts of children..the kids end up suffering.
I know plenty of families who have a large number of children and who feed them very healthy. We are only at 7 but we make our own pasta, bread, etc., avoid all the processed stuff and are very healthy.
As far as looks go…if KS’s husband finds her attractive then great. Michelle’s husband also finds her attractive. The two women are at different extremes and each works for them and their families. Michelle chooses to dress modestly and discreetly and that suits her (and her children). If KS wants to look like a pampered princess then that’s fine, too. I look more at the character of the women and what they (and I do mean they, not daycare/babysitters/nannies) do with their children during the day more than their faces/outfits.
I’m glad this commentary is here because I am asked often if I’ve heard of these 2 women/families and this has helped me get my facts straight.
on 08 Sep 2007 at 7:42 pm 18.cindy said …
A friend of mine in St. Louis said she has seen Ms Sansone at least 12 times in the past few months, 11 of the times there was NOT one child in sight. ONE time a small girl was with her, the mother was talking to a friend and the daughter wanted to aske her something, KS said “if you talk, you won’t get to come with mommy next time”.
Then, she say Mr and Mrs at the mall on a Sunday morning, no kids in site but as she drove home down a very busy main road in town, she saw 6 Sansone children riding a big supped up golf cart on the side walk–the baby was in it, NO seat belt, NO helmet, NO driver of legal age.
Yes, parenting advice I want to apply to my family, NOT!
She even said “all of the negative reviews of my book are from people who are jealous of me”. No, not jealous–amazed is more like it.
on 29 Sep 2008 at 3:33 pm 19.Living-Deliberately.com » Michelle Duggar in my town… said …
[…] Sansone” (the author of the book) and that title, and also the contrast I blogged about in Michelle Duggar. Because while both women have large families, they are on opposite sides of the spectrum and if […]