Life before 2008 31 May 2006 08:40 pm
Around in Circles
Two of our favorite little stories around here are If You Give a Mouse a Cookie and If You Give a Pig a Pancake. The kids and daddy put together this version tonight:
If You Make Tia Go To Walmart
If You make Tia go to Walmart,
she will start to cry.
When she starts to cry she’ll park far away and,
she will have to dodge at least five cars.
When she makes it into the store,
she will check her list to determine which way she goes.
Then she’ll realize they are restocking the shelves in every aisle and in all different places than they were before.
When she finds the first thing on her list,
she will feel determined and go onto the next.
She’ll probably realize there are a few things missing from her list and have to be added.
When she gets all of this,
she’ll want to go ahead and get the groceries to save a trip out.
She’ll start fuming at Genetically Modified Food and MSG.
She might even get carried away and start saying things out loud.
She might even make you want to pretend not to be with her!
When she’s numb from the over-stimulation and has just realized that three things on her list are a football field back in the other direction,
she will start to cry.
You’ll have to get her a tissue and talk softly about just getting it done and out.
She’ll feel better that someone close to her doesn’t buy into the Walmart hype.
She’ll probably ask you to go back and get those things a football field away.
So you get them for her and she’ll make it all the way to Produce.
When she realizes she’s Almost There,
she’ll even get a little excited and head for the shortest check out line.
She’ll unload her groceries according to kind.
When the checker mixes them all up and bags them,
she’ll pay the low, low prices.
Then she’ll get home and get clean.
Which means she’ll need body soap and shampoo.
Getting in the shower and all wet will remind her that,
she has none.
So, being cold and soap-less and tired, she will start to cry.
And chances are if she has started to cry, it’s time to go to Walmart.
on 01 Jun 2006 at 7:53 am 1.Bannergranny said …
I’m laughing so hard I’ve got tears running down my face….but I sooooo empathize with you….WalMart is NOT for wimps. Or maybe its really geared to the weak, the undisciplined, the tired….who knows.
on 01 Jun 2006 at 9:06 am 2.gina said …
Ooh- how I hate Walmart- I’ve had to drag myself in there lately due to the budget crunch and I’m all over the place, I can never find what I want which is what they hope for so you’ll buy stuff you don’t need! Hey have you ever made butter? We go through so much and I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s cheaper to make it? I don’t mean the flavored stuff, just plain old butter- would you happen to know how? Thanks!
on 01 Jun 2006 at 11:16 am 3.Tia said …
Hey Mom…I think they generate that weak and tired mindset. Makes people shop and feel like they can do no better. Conditioning.
Gina…butter is on my List Of Things To Do. I believe you need raw milk, and then it’s just a matter of beating the cream (you can use a mixer) and adding salt.
on 02 Jun 2006 at 7:06 am 4.Chewymom said …
ROFLOL! I hate Waldemart.