books 26 Oct 2006 07:42 am
Comparisons
The other day an old post of mine on Kathryn Sansone got a couple of new comments. This happens from time to time; her book is still a hot topic for some I guess. Being very involved over the last few days with bigger fish to fry, I didn’t reply to the comments but last night, when I was suposed to be dreaming I think, some thoughts came to me instead that this morning I’d like to express.
Carolyn said, “Both Duggar and Sansone should be appreciated for having the courage to publish useful tips to other mothers.
Hopefully neither one of them will ever have to read the less than charitable comments/critiques thrown around about them online.
Both families clearly have a lot of love which is what really matters…whether we’re rich and send our kids to school or living simply and homeschooling. Why don’t we spend our free time encouraging each other rather than comparing?”
Why compare indeed? Well here’s why:
- Kathryn Sanson wrote a book, putting herself out there, inviting the world into her life. Responsible, intelligent people won’t just read stuff; they will think about it, they will filter it through their worldview. One way or another they will form an opinion. Maybe they will gain encouragment from a book like this; many women found it disheartening. I wrote a review of what I found it to be, but I think it’s important to say that what I said wasn’t personally motivated. Kathryn Sansone, and Michelle Duggar for that matter, became almost analogies for a “kind” of mother in our society, both on opposite ends of the spectrum. I’m sure they both love their families and they both show it in radically different ways. It’s okay to compare methods.
- one my mottos: method matters. Or one could say, “the ends don’t justify the means”. Something may be very well worth doing, for instance, mothering, or making time for oneself, or making extra money. But HOW it is done matters. Looking at how another does something is one way to see what their method resulted in, what kind of consequence, and then makes it easier to decide if that’s a similiar path one wants to follow.
One thing I found interesting in the reaction to Woman First, Family Always, was the idea that she was being criticised for “being rich and putting her children in school”. I wonder if these people really read the book! Kathryn Sansone advocated much, much more than just using a schooling source than homeschooling, and really, that is so NOT the issue. I myself contrasted her with Michelle Duggar, not because I think the Duggars do it the “right” way but because she was her polar opposite in how time was spent and how priorities were arranged and yet here is a woman who appears every bit as satisfied and assurred in her role. She didn’t need to farm out her kids and over extend herself to the point of napping the bank teller line (a real story KS not only tells but recommends) to acheive it and I thought that was worth noting.
Comparisons can be valuable things. Even scripture recommends we hold up our faith and behavior in order to acheive what we should have as our goal. As we listen to other viewpoints and ways of doing things (more on that in another post), at some point we have to compare it against what we do and decide if we’ll keep, discard, or divide it. I don’t find doing so either encouraging or discouraging; there’s a person behind each idea. The idea is what is being compared here, not the individual.
on 17 Feb 2007 at 12:29 am 1.Nicole Maendel said …
I think that was very well said. You are right that the two women are polar opposites. My analysis or comparison may have seemed harsh, but maybe only as harsh as the Dugger’s opinions of others who send their kids to public schools might be. The comparison made me think of how one of these women made it seem possible to have a large family and still take care of herself as opposed to another who, in my opinion, having seen numerous appearances of her family, simply casts an image of matronly martyrdom. I think that Kathryn may have been inspirational to certain women who may be turned off by motherhood at the thought of losing themselves. She is proof that it is still possible to value yourself as a woman a family..as opposed to defining yourself as a family with a woman(granted, her money and resources definitely helped). I think that, though many husbands won’t admit it, deep down they wish that the women they married would try to take better care of themselves.