I have something new!! Yes, Joel, super-brother-in-law and web-guy-extraordinairre (yes I know that’s spelled wrong thanks to my red squiggle), has been talking about this for a solid year….I’d like say I let the idea rather, well… marinate. ;-)  I spent a few hours this afternoon putting it together and plan to add much more, but here’s the little store front for now….

The Living Deliberately Store at Cafe Press 

Sometimes the days run together and taste like white bread…a bit bland, a bit beige, and a bit forgettable. And then sometimes a day holds a surprise. A hearty, whole grain, hot loaf full of depth that can’t always be repeated and intrigues one with it’s constant nuance and impact. When that happens, things change. A wholesome, nurturing connection impacts the hours and opens the mind and a kindredness is found.

Richard Morris was that kind of surprise for me. A friend sent me a link to his website a few weeks ago, thinking I might find him interesting. “Interesting” is perhaps too beige of a word for what I thought! It’s too overused, too common. Here is a person, a fresh and vibrant and healthy personality who’s story exudes, nay oozes, an aura of freedom and vitality. I didn’t get three of his articles in when I knew intensely that I had to know him, I had to talk to him. His website doesn’t have the words, “living deliberately” upon it but the spirit is everywhere, from each inspirational article to every beautiful photo. I knew this was someone I had in my hall of fame; he’d quickly become one of my deliberate heroes.

I was thrilled when he emailed me back, granting me an email interview. I was beyond words with encouraged glee when I discovered a new friend and kindred spirit. One interview doesn’t seem enough….he should have a running feature! And then, looking through my notes, I realized I could write a book! But he already has, one with a fantastic title called A Life Unburdened. And he’s working on a second. So check it out, and here’s my interview with Richard Morris, and in places, his wife Mary’s story. The interview will be posted in parts, due to length.

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I just spent quite a lot of time over on your site, breadandmoney.com! You are an amazingly fresh breath of air and talented writer. Can you tell me a little about your story?In 2003, I weighed over 400 pounds and suffered from sleep apnea, asthma, hypertension, adrenal fatigue and a handful of other interesting miseries. I had a wake-up call one day in New York when my knee gave out without warning as I was taking the elevator up to my office. I could see a tombstone in my future and I don’t mean pizza. We each arrive at a crossroads at some point in our lives. That was mine. I had a choice. Follow the well-worn path set by so many others, down a road of dieting and despair or take the other road—in the words of Robert Frost—“the one less traveled by.” Like Frost, I discovered that “that has made all the difference.” That pivotal decision led to my rediscovery of the redemptive power of real food. Among many other wonderful things, I lost over 160 pounds in 18 months.

Wow!! So, that’s like, a whole person, weight-wise that you lost in a year and a half!! And was this just by going back to simple, homegrown kind of foods? Did you experiment with different fad diets like South Beach or Adkins or anything like that? When did you come across books like Nourishing Traditions?

Like most people with a serious weight problem, I was either on a diet or planning to go on a diet almost every day. I tried vegetarianism, a diet drug prescribed by my doctor and engaged in countless other episodes of low-fat masochism. I had some success low-carbing, but didn’t really do enough research to understand how it really works. I eventually concluded that diets simply don’t work. I learned of Nourishing Traditions in the spring of 2004, which was almost a year after I decided to return to eating nothing but whole foods. NT accelerated the learning curve for me. It’s a great book. Richard is originally from Detroit and now lives in Virginia but considers Arizona “home”, which is where he grew up and met his beautiful wife Mary. They have two daughters, Stephanie and Raven, ages 16 and 11. When I started the conversation I didn’t know they were a fellow homeschooling family but I wasn’t surprised when that came up! You might say I’m a born-again independent thinker. Like all children, I came into the world with an innate ability to think for myself, but that independence, viewed as a congenital defect by our educational system, was vigorously discouraged from kindergarten through college. In my case, I’ve spent the last 3 years trying to undo the damage of 16 years of formal education. Thus at the age of 46, I’m struggling to regain the native intelligence I had when I was 5. Having two children to whom I can look to for leadership in this regard, has been a great help.

I love this! Children humbly teach us so much and I think we do well as adult to learn. BTW…it was when you said this that I began to suspect you were a fellow home schooler! Have you always home schooled your girls?

Stephanie was home schooled from about the middle of fourth grade at age 9. When we moved to Virginia, we thought we’d give the local school a try and enrolled her in sixth grade. In less than six months, she asked if she could go back to being home schooled. Raven was home schooled from the very beginning.

On your website, Mary shares her story as well. And while she didn’t have as much weight to lose as you did, she had her own “crossroads” moment to come to, with an ongoing struggle with depression. She now glows with radiant health!

Mary is my treasure. We’ve known each other for 25 years and have been married for 20 of those years. She lost 50 pounds and was finally able to let go of the depression medication that had left her perpetually frozen in place for so long.

I love that phrase “perpetually frozen in place”. I think it describes ongoing depression well. Did Mary’s epiphanal moment happen around the same time yours did?

Yes, that’s what was so amazing about our nutritional revelation; we came to the same conclusion at the same time. I go into much more detail in the book, but when I called Mary from New York to tell her of my plans, she responded with a story of her own. We just felt like we had to do this—to go back to cooking and eating the way our parents and grandparents once did. (Mary speaking): I was depressed for a good portion of my life. I would get really sad and cry for no apparent reason. I was taking Wellbutrin for about three years. I did not want to tell my doctor about my depression initially, but, my it was getting worse and I was concern about its negative effect on my family. I prayed and asked God to heal me. I did not want to be on medication for the rest of my life. When I started taking Wellbutrin, it did seem to help for a time. I read “once a student is ready, the teacher will appear”. Well, it happened when I decided I wanted health for my body, mind and spirit and for my family. I listened to my heart and discovered through my reading and research that my body was not getting the nutrients needed to function properly. I had a severe hormonal imbalance. I started eating good fats, such as, butter, coconut oil, cod liver oil, real eggs, etc. I began to think clear and all of sudden I had a purpose for living. I saw my family health improve also. It felt like a burden was lifted. It is a miracle! I have not taken depression medication for over three years now. I’m healed and I thank God.

What was your life like as heavy people?

Normal. What I mean is that morbid obesity, sickness and disease has regrettable become a normal occurrence for American families in the 21st century. We were just like a lot of families, spending a large share of our income on health care, which is really the sickest of euphemisms, since if we were healthy, we wouldn’t have needed all the medications and doctor’s visits. We bought cars, TVs, toys and other useless trinkets like the consumer zombies we were trained to be. We were an astonishingly unhappy family and we were not alone in our discontent.

It takes a lot of courage to utter words like that. Dave Ramsey says, “Why be normal? Normal is broke!” I guess the same could be said of being overweight. Sadly, it’s quite normal. How has your professional life changed?

I am a graphic designer by education and profession. I worked in the software industry in the financial sector, as a user interface designer, for most of the last ten years. The software industry is an industry rife with disappointment, denial and desperation—the perfect breeding ground for unmanageable stress. Today I feel like I’ve been asleep for most of my life and have only recently awakened. I wrote a book, “A Life Unburdened” that talks about my transformation and I remade myself as a public speaker. I’m rediscovering the simple joys of living openly and with purpose.

What did your children think about the changes as you made them? Were they full participants?

Yes they were solidly with us on this, but they were a bit confused too, because as we learned more about food and nutrition, we would adjust our diets likewise. For a while, it felt like we were changing something every week. Children like stability in their lives… well, I guess we all do don’t we? We explained to them that we were all learning together, so change was inevitable, but what kept them on-board with us, I believe, is that they saw the benefits themselves. Stephanie lost weight and her asthma completely disappeared. Raven used to have seasonal skin problems that completely disappeared after we added healthy fat to our diet. Perhaps most important, Mary and I were happier, which as any child will attest, makes for more agreeable living when you don’t have your parents hassling you all the time.

Go Team Morris!! What’s a typical menu at your house look for a day?

We always have eggs, wonderful pastured eggs, for breakfast. Additive-free bacon, raw cheese, fermented kimchi, tea or seasonal grapefruit usually round out breakfast. In late fall, lunch might include leftover chicken, a piece of cheese, home made pizza, kimchi or sauerkraut. Dinner could be wild salmon with green beans and sweet potatoes. When the blackberries are in season, I’ll pick a handful and cover them in raw cream—no sugar needed. Delicious.

Okay, what the heck is kimchi? And if you make it, can you pass on a recipe?

Kimchi is a fermented dish made of cabbage, carrots, onions, garlic and a few other odds and ends. It originated in Korea and is most similar to saurkraut. Raw foods are the most healthy from a nutritional standpoint, but most people won’t eat those wonderful organ meats like raw liver, beef heart and kidney. Kimchi is a raw food that you can add as a side dish to your meals that can help integrate beneficial bacteria into your diet. These bacteria can enhance your intestinal flora and, among other things, improve your digestion. Antacid drugs are some of the biggest money-makers for the pharmaceutical industry. That’s because many people aren’t preparing their food properly, like soaking nuts and grains, and they may be lacking the right mix of digestive flora needed to properly digest their food. I found that my need for antacid drugs was reduced, then eliminated as I integrated more raw foods into my diet. I was in such a desperate state when we changed our diet that I could not afford to wean myself off the junk convenience foods I was eating. I had to go cold turkey. I expected severe withdrawal symptoms, but was surprised to discover that there were few. Lets face it, few things are more satisfying than a properly prepared home cooked meal. I used to think the packaged foods I ate tasted good. I now realize that they had no taste at all. What I was really tasting were the massive quantities of sodium and sugar that go into 90 percent of the convenience foods we eat.

I hear ya! Real food is so BEAUTIFUL! I feel downright wealthy when I have a plate of real, whole, foods. And isn’t it amazing how sickingly sweet a sip of soda is after you’ve not had any HFCS or white sugar in a long time? I like your point about going cold turkey too. I think that’s often a part of radical, deliberate choices. It’s a complete, repentance-style, turn around. No having one foot on each side of the fence. Would you agree?

Yes, one of the most common things I hear from people is that they’ve begun eating whole foods, and they love the food, but they admit that they’re not experience the level of change that they were expecting. Usually when I probe a bit deeper, I find out that they’re mixing whole foods with packaged convenience foods. I tell people that washing down a trans fat laden donut the size of a spare tire with raw milk won’t do much for their health in the long term. You’ve really got to give up some of the more egregious junk food. I really sympathize with them because I know what they’re going through. Most of the blame lies with conventional health advice doled out by the dietitians and diet gurus who say it’s OK to eat that garbage so long as you do so in moderation. Sometimes we eat “fancy food,” but most of the time it’s just good ol’ food. Food is important, but it shouldn’t consume your life. Eating should be as effortless and second nature as breathing. The fact that knowing what to eat is so complex today is proof of how much the industrial food industry has mucked up this most basic of necessities.

Eating can be, but cooking isn’t LOL! I honestly do prefer though, the connection with the food I feel, the almost-meditative quality one gets when they use things that actually grew somewhere, as opposed to coming from a factory or a lab.

You’re right. Cooking this way definitely takes more time and effort, but I enjoy cooking in the same way that I enjoy reading a good book or the intellectual challenge of solving a difficult puzzle. The combination of sensorial feedback and the sense of completion and closure one derives from the preparation of a meal can be therapeutic. This only works if you’re managing your time well, so if you’re rushed, it’s not any fun at all.

I totally agree. Time management is one more way to live on purpose. Dave would call it, “telling your money where to go.” and time is the same way. I love the title of your book, “A Life Unburdened.” . And your website name too. How did they come to be?

I was exercising one day with a 40 pound weight vest. When I took the off vest, I felt so light it felt as if I might float away. I suddenly realized that for years, I had been lugging around more than 160 pounds. That sense of being unburdened from the weight of the vest eventually became the title of the book. I originally wanted to call the web site bread and circuses, after the practice of Roman emperors who pacified the mob by providing them with free food and entertainment. While to-the-death gladiator fights are thankfully no longer part of civilized society, we have something similar in our mad desire for cheap junk food and our peculiar obsession with television, both modern day equivalents of bread and circuses. We cannot demand accountability from our leaders when we are stuffing our gullets with Oreos and our minds with “must see” TV, which is of course why television and junk food exist… to keep us pacified. Bread and money refers to the connection between what we eat and the price we pay for it. That price is not always monetary, it can also include the price we pay in health and ultimately our freedom.

This book arrived in the mail for Rowan today as a part of a book service he’s signed up for in Tennessee. And what a sweet surprise of a children’s picture book it is! Rowan instantly went crazy over the animal stencils in the inside cover and the entire thing is beautifully illustrated. The story, told in a lyrical rhyme, is a young boy asking him Momma questions for “me and baby” and her answers. It was a tender representation of a stay at home mother on a small farm; definitely a new favorite.

When setting loaves to rise, beneath a towel, behind the wood stove, one might want to make sure first that the cat has been put outside, lest one find cat footprints pressing down her loaves……

Getting up early makes a huge impact on the day. I know it to be true and for most of my life I’ve still fought it. This morning wasn’t quite star-shine as I didn’t get to bed as early as I should’ve (Survivor is HOT!!! Can’t wait for the finale!).

Today’s bread became a brick. It rose nicely, despite the substitution of rye flour for white. I’d set it near my wood stove and it was warm and cozy in it’s little corner. Then I picked up my nicely rounded loaves and put them into the oven. The cold oven. They quickly became bricks with little dimples in the center.

Two sick kids meant a slower pace today. I cleared most of our routine to accommodate them and to work on an online project. The kids received a christmas gift that I participated in and I got my first christmas card of the season. It is a close up of the Theotokos as shown in this icon:

It was a meaningful gift to receive this week and I knew it’s giver had selected it for me. It’s profound simplicity and I treasure both it and the giver. The icon is “Virgin and Child” by Duccio di Buoninsegna and the image is from Olga’s Gallery. The subject is “the virgin of tenderness”, the “Oumilenie”.
We have Butternut Bisque for supper tonight and it’s about to rain. My kiddos with the deep coughs are staying snug as bugs and we’re settling in for a quiet winter’s night.

LOL…I wanted to clarify and say that the “answer” I feel I received, that I need to “do more, not less” occurred within a context. Not always do I think that is the answer for a given situation, for instance (to Andy) there are many times that one is simply over taxed and needs to cut back, or (to Laura), when one is hyper-focused on an event in their life, like final exams, the answer can be to streamline to the extreme in order to get the task done.

I also am not any kind of morning person and so wrestled greatly with the idea that I needed to start the day earlier. It means sacrifice and discipline at the end of the day, which was typically less productive anyway, to go to bed at an hour that can accommodate that early rise time.

So while I had myself tied up in angsty knots over how to relieve myself of responsibilities, and finding that there were none in my life that could really be cut, I prayed both to God and the Theotokos, the heavenly mother who must surely have some idea of my struggle, and that’s the answer I got. Seeing that lots of times I pray and receive nothing so clear, rather than debate it, I took it to heart and set out to see what I could do about it.

So…moving on. Other ways I’m doing “more”. David has taken over the bill keeping organization (THANK YOU DEARUMS!) and we have been having a running conversation about household inventory. That got me looking at some of my bigger expenditures and wondering what, if anything, could be done about them.  At different times in my life I’ve done all sorts of empowering experiments, such as going months without paper products (yes all paper products and how free that can be!), making my own stuff, learning to do without, etc. I don’t always do them; for instance, I would not have considered doing cloth diapers during my three moves this year, or making my own laundry detergent  while teaching co-op classes. But life is slowing down now and so in my winter cocoon I find I can do a bit, well, yes the word of the day, “more”.

Currently spent:

• disposable diapers $40 per month
• laundry detergent for 13 loads per week, $17 per month
• whole grain bread, 3 loaves per week, $36 per month

I have a fabulous cloth diaper collection, bought nearly entirely online through the years. All the supplies needed. I don’t want to use cloth (though it’s really not that difficult at all) at night or when out for a whole day, so I’m still buying disposables for that. My cost drops to: $15 per month. I also add in 2 loads of laundry per week.

I already talked about bread making this morning. I’ll make approx. 6 loaves per week. That is using 12 packets of yeast, unless I figure out “cake yeast”, and probably 2 bags of flour per week. Here’s where I need to do some work. Because at that rate, I am also spending $36 per month. The savings will only come if the flour and yeast are in bulk sizes.

Laundry detergent! I find this one to be thrilling! Making my own gives me 3qts. for about 5 cents. My supplies last for years. It’s amazing.

My recipe:

1 1/2 cups water

1/2 of 1/3 bar Fels Naptha soap, grated (or use Ivory. I love that math ‘eh? But that’s how I do it. I cut the bar in thirds, then each third in half).

melt on low heat. Stir in:

1/4 c. borax

1/4 c. washing soda

stir until dissolved and slightly thickened. From here I use a recycled 3 qt. All Free and Clear bottle. Pour the thickened soap into the jug and sprinkle in about 10 or so drops of your favorite essential oil. I use Lemongrass and will probably get Lavendar next time but the stuff lasts forever. I’ve been on this bottle for 3 years and still have half of it left. Fill the jug slowly (so no suds bubble up) with hot water.

When it’s cool, it should have thickened to a kind of gloppy liquid. I use about half a cup for each load. I could double the batch and make it less often but I like to work in smaller quantities. Have a special pot, spoon, and measuring cup for soap making so as not to mix in with food-grade stuff.

I know I used to hear jokes about people making fun of women who go to the lengths of making their own soap. If you think it’s hilarious and unnecessary, more power to ya. This little step gets me closer to my goals, which are more important to me than buying laundry soap from Walmart.

start out with a sponge:

3 cups whole wheat flour

2 packets of regular yeast (not quick rise)

1 T. honey

2 1/2 cups warm water

Soak for as little as 20 minutes or as long as 12 hours. Put it in a BIG bowl; you will mix your dough, knead, and this sponge rises all in this bowl.

After the rise time, add:

1/2 cup or so honey or mollasses

1/4 c. oil

1/4 c. milk

2 cups unbleached white flour (or wheat but use the unbleached for the kneading flour)

2 T. vital gluten

1 t. sea salt

Stir in (I use a sturdy silicone spatula). Dough will be sticky. Gradually work in about another 2 cups flour, depending on the type you use. Switch to a plastic pastry scraper (flexes). I use this because I don’t like getting my hands in sticky dough. Dough will rapidly get smooth and elastic. When it is, knead a few more times with your hands (I do this just to rejoice in it’s beautiful feel at this point!). Divide in half and place in a greased loaf pan. Makes 2.

Let rise until double and then bake at 375 until hollow and golden.

That was the answer to prayer I got last week. Feeling overwhelmed with how to do too many things, I got this as a solution. Mind bending a bit ‘eh? Definitely counter culture.

But I didn’t argue. I thought about what to do. Stop multi-tasking and get more into the moment. Go to bed earlier so I can rise earlier, preferrably pre-children. Schedule times for my writing, my painting (my job), and anything else needing undivided attention.

A wise friend counseled me to take better care of myself, something in the analytical process I’d kind of been blind to. But she’s absolutely right. No date in a year. No times away to scrapbook or shop or think. Time to change that.

This morning when I rose at Oh-dark hundred hours, two boys got up with me. That, was kind of not the point…. but I got on my boots and hat and coat and scarf and gloves (eye, eye it’s cold!) and went out to do the morning chores that kept getting pushed frustratingly back until lunch time or beyond. It was beautiful in the pre-dawn. Stars shining, moon bright, the chimney smoke rising against the bare trees…I fed and watered chickens, got them fresh straw, and stacked wood. We had breakfast earlier, David got out the door on time instead of pressing lateness. Things were much more relaxed.

This weekend I also realized a major goal! BREAD! See, about 9 years ago I attended a homeschooling convention and smelled fresh bread. The Breadbeckers came every year and filled the convention hall with intoxicating smells, drawing crowds to come buy their grain mills. I figured I’d better know how to bake a decent loaf before investing so I worked on that first.

Two years of bricks and I quit. I wanted to be that “grinds her own grain, bakes her own bread” kind of girl but she just wasn’t me. Six years later, while pregnant with Rowan and craving country music, I decided to give it another shot. There really is no rational explanation for what happened but I could do it!! With white bread at least, I could churn out a good loaf consistently that rose and tasted like home baked bliss. But wheat bread was still an enigma.

No grain mill, no bulk wheat, no savings to realize with bread until I had this mastered. When I buy bread, it’s nearly 10% of my grocery budget. My boys are growing like weeds and I knew that if I baked they’d snack on that rather than nasty cheese crackers. So I gave it yet another try. I even dared to try it with guests coming!

The result? I’ve found a fantastic recipe that fits my schedule. It’s mostly whole wheat, allows for pre-soaking ala Nourishing Traditions recommendation, doesn’t require all day in the kitchen, or make a huge mess. And it’s consistent every time. I could bake this every day and it fits within my day’s rhythm rather than defining it.

So I can put a grain mill on my list. And I can look ahead to the co-op’s Spring buy and get wheat in bulk. We’ll have a loaf on the table at dinner every day like we see in our favorite british movies. And when I pray, “Give us this day our daily bread”, I’ll know quite exactly what I mean.

I’m doing more, not less, deliberately.

I debated: should I write a review of this while it’s fresh or should I sleep on it? I’m here now, at 9:30 pm, so you know which one came out on top.

I’m stunned. I’m gagging on corn products…corn and soy that I know sneaks into our diets everywhere. I’m invigorated to plant the biggest garden I can next spring, with seeds from Seeds of Change and Seed Savers. I want to loudly outcry the fact that life (food, things that grow) has been patented, that so many of the government officials have worked for or accepted money from companies like Monsanto, that so far there is no mandatory labeling for genetically modified foods and seeds.

The movie points out that if they label, they can trace the adverse effects, and if they can trace where it came from, they can hold corporations liable. Did you know that these companies are allowed to voluntarily conduct and submit their own research to the FDA?

And yes, the thought occurred to me more than once that those yellow fields of corn are also being hailed right now as the next best thing: biodiesel. But I fail to agree that GM corn is necessary to use corn oil products for fuel. It’s one thing to compromise that it might be a better way to use monocropping than say, using foreign oil. But it’s another to say that these lengths need to be gone to in order to get there.

Okay, heads up: the movie is not unbiased and doesn’t try to be. It an expose type documentary on the way science is changing how we eat, who grows it and how, and where. Little researchers with budgets of 2k stand up against corporations with 25 million and sometimes get heard. The wind blows GM canola over to another farmer’s field and if it grows, he’s infringed on the patent law. The only way to tell if it’s GM or not is to spray it with the Round Up the same company produces. What will die is his own crop and what will not is the “round up ready” canola. Plant diversity and individual farmer’s rights are what’s gone and super weeds that require even more spraying with even more toxic chemicals are what’s left.

Breathless moment: watching a slug ingest corn and die. The corn itself is classified as an insecticide (thanks to it’s modification) so if it eats the corn, it dies. NOT: it was sprayed and it died. But IT ATE THE SAME CORN I ATE and died.

The biotech companies sell their product’s image by saying it can feed the world. But think about that. Much of the third world countries were once ag-rich. They kicked small farmers off their land to grow exports so they could pay debts to 1st world countries. The problem is more accessibility to food, not growing methods, as food regularly rots in abundance in this and other countries.

“Go Local” has simple wisdom behind it that can be applied in just about every setting. This movie shows what happens when an approach, that has never been voted on by the people (and the majority of people do not want GM food, or at least want labels on it), for global methods takes over. When four companies control ALL of the food supply. The seed supply. The retail. Sound free to you?

Never mind how much better something locally grown tastes. That isn’t the primary focus of this film but it will leave you longing for something grown in your own yard. The beauty of a variety different than the beige monotony of a typical produce section is mentioned at the end, when the counter-movement is emphasized: farmer’s markets, CSA’s, and organics. When the reminder sounds that the “consumer is still king”, that we have power with our dollars and how we spend them, hope springs. I remember that I can refuse to buy canola oil (not good for you anyway), items with high fructose corn syrup, soy-everything, and non-organic grains.

Even if you read most of this and thought, “blah, blah, blah”, or felt overwhelmed at something that might cause you to pause more in the store, or simply thought it didn’t interest you, it’s still an important film to watch. It will take one hour of your life and will leave you more motivated to support what could save our future, our children, our food supply. It will dawn on your mind what a world-economy controlled by a few could look like. It occurred to me how ironic it would be for the apocolyptic kind of world catastrophe that we sometimes hear predicted to come from not a big bomb and nuclear power but from corn seeds….little kernels of science fiction.

The movie: The Future of Food. I got our copy from Netflix. I’m wondering what my friend the botanist would say….I think I need to watch Path To Freedom’s new video brochure again for a little inspiration and encouragement.

So much for “gently falling snow” LOL :D.

It’s now coming down thick, sticking to the ground, and traffic has picked up on the big road with folks coming home early. Warnings are about to stay off any roads that are not the major state roads because they ice. I’m not sure if that’s hype over a few inches of snow or real but I won’t be finding out either…last week’s near-miss accident is enough to keep this Red Hen home.

Gee….I feel like I should do something. Like get some water together or make a casserole.

Ah. Still tired from Monday, feelin’ angsty about some online friend conflict and concern, and fed up with my little darlin’s today who seem to think “being cooperative” is poisonous and should be avoided at all costs. There was nothing to do but to head out side.

It was pretty morning. I got my start as the wanning moon set and made room for the sun. The chickens, now up on top of the Big Hill, were more than ready for breakfast, as Uncooperative Child Number One failed to feed them yesterday despite a million reminders. (It happens here too folks). Hercules stands below, rather stoic for a rooster in a chilly wind, and the hens huddle up in the top section, either too smart or too stupid to separate and come down to eat. Whatever. Still no eggs.

I went up and down the hill with food and their iced-solid watering can. Mucked out the straw and then took a look at my shed. The kids, lets call them Uncooperative Children Number Two and Four, just for laughs and giggles, mind you, decided it was too hard to store the bale of straw in the corner and instead just kind of threw it in there. Meaning there was a layer of straw over the entirety of my shed/barn-for-now.

Yeah, it was at this point most parents would haul their little darlin’s back to the shed and make them clean it up. But I started this day fed up with uncooperativeness, remember? I wasn’t up for the fight. They really can’t take more discipline of various methods that Dad has been consistently handing out and we are stumped. And I needed the time to clear my head anyway…so I got started.

From there I took a look at the 80 year old tree parts that the neighbor graciously gave us after it fell on his house. It’s white pine, stumps and logs well over 50 lbs. each, but too new to burn this year. Nothing to do but move it so that’s what I did next.

And you know? When you are city chick talking about moving to the country for years one gets many admonitions about how hard the work is. And they are all true. Hard stuff indeed and anyone contemplating such a change should heed every warning. But one way I know I’m cut out for this is that I love the monotous chores. Moving wood (and I had a stack of wood cut exactly twice too big to do next) is boring but hard. And much of farm-type work is boring but hard. I have a new friend out here who has spent most of the last 6 months on their new property sans running water and electricity. She’s hauled gallons and gallons of water out to her horses the last few months…monotony indeed. But if she can hack that, she can make it homesteading in the country.

So I’m out there moving wood, raking the grass beneath, splitting kindling the way my dad showed me, and it starts to snow. Beautiful, snow globe kind of stuff, that won’t really stick but falls hard and criss-crosses the sky as it descends.  The kids were joyously playing, riding their bikes, catching flakes on their tongues. The dog was frolicking behind them.

I was content. Completely content. If I were still in my old life in the suburbs, back before our Dave Ramsey days, I would have probably spent a day like to day at the mall, breathing canned air, around plastic plants and decorations, looking at a plastic way of life, and paying for it with, you guessed it, plastic. Those days I used to be quite depressed longing for a life of substance and reality. It’s hard to come closer to a real rhythm in life than chopping wood for your own fire and building compost for your garden in the spring. And there are much worse ways to spend a morning than moving wood in the gently falling snow.

When I got in, I saw that the Uncooperative Children had gotten hungry and made themselves some scrambled eggs. One was painting a picture, two others were outside/inside on a rotating basis, and the other one was ready to build a fire. I sat down to check email and saw this link in one of the messages. For those of you looking to celebrate The Lord’s Day in a joyous, familial way, it might be a good resource. I don’t much care for the opening page….to scrubbed clean, formal, white, and let’s face it…without at least one child poking another or a mess around their plate, too unrealistic for my house. But beyond that page the rest of the site is really pretty and useful. I don’t know what’s up with the funky spelling….

I’ve had a cup of hot tea and a little Nina Simone playing….christmas tunes probably would have been more festive but it was “wood choppin’” kind of day. No jingling bells or cozy cookie images…gotta have something a bit more raw and basic for a day like today. So how to categorize a post like this one? I just got Nina, Sabbath keeping, and Dave all in the same post; the mall and farm life too……

One Toddler + A Bottle of Worchestershire Sauce = one house that smells like Chex Mix.

Yesterday was the last of our “big days in Maryville”, namely, driving in for homeschool co-op for the day. Nestled within the day was a sweet visit to a friend and her newest baby, dinner, fun and comfortable with a friend who blesses me with her openness, hospitality, and care, and the annual christmas program, in which one child took part in a Latin prayer and another had a small speaking part in a little play.

It was a marathon of an extroverted day for this red-headed introvert and right after daughter dear’s lines, I took my Giant Baby to a darkened classroom for some quiet time. He, who has stubbornly refused every suggestion on my part that we need to give some hefty consideration to this idea of “weaning”, nursed happily in the hush, giving me thanks in his own little way for removing him from the lights and noise for a little respite before rejoining the fun, happy friends, and festivities of the reception below.

I patted his bottom and thanked the heavens yet again that day for the blessing of having, as of that time, no emergencies like last week, and a short phrase came to mind:

Be Where You Are.

I sat thinking about that….being content. Not bemoaning what I’m missing elsewhere or fretting about where I need to go next. Just Be.

This morning, after sleeping in as much as one can with a toddler who doesn’t value the concept, I sipped my coffee (thank you again C!) and caught up on yesterday’s emails and blogs. Father Stephen had this to say:

“But, in the simple words of Elder Sophrony, the Church thinks that the true nature of life is to live. It almost sounds silly to say such a thing, but it is our lack of living that is the greatest symptom of our fall from God. St. Irenaeus of Lyons said, “The Glory of God is a man fully alive.”

In the winter, I’ve found that I tend to create a kind of cocoon for myself. I pull back on outside activities, I make lists and plans of action that actually get accomplished, I listen more, I think more (maybe too much!). In the past weeks I’m aware that I crave this while we move towards it…it is really what the garden plans, the goat pen drawings, the curriculum choices are all about. A sort of “regrouping” of life that enables the rest of the year.

I’m going to Be Where I Am. I’m going to work on really living. Living Deliberately, because I don’t always do that, nor do I often do it well, gets it’s invigoration on the hearth and earth of where God’s planted us.

After a week like what we just went through, I needed some serious R and R and with the beautiful sun shining and a bright blue sky there really was only way to get it. Be Outside.

And so I pruned trees. And I pruned trees. And I pruned some more trees. I’m not sure I did it right but I did look some stuff up online first. I have two apple trees that produced poorly this year that I’d like to stimulate to do better next year. And there are several bush-tree thingies that I can’t identify that probably bloom on old growth. So I wanted to cut them back to a manageable size without destroying my spring show.

We’ll see. One pulled elbow muscle and plenty of time to think later, I think they look pretty good.

My lasagne beds are coming along well. I have no tiller so I lasagne is the way to go. It’s much less-labor intensive way to garden too. I started with cardboard over the grass, everywhere I plan to plant this coming spring. Then layers of grass clippings. In fall we heaped on leaves. Now in winter we are adding ash. Always coffee grounds. The neighbor had a tree fall on his house and the stumps are getting ground to sawdust, which we’ll put on top of the beds. And then in early spring I’ll top it all with a load of dirt.

Plant, then cover with straw and maybe I won’t need to weed.

We moved Das Chicken Haus away from  Herr Pit Bull’s fence line and up to the top of the Big Hill. The owners come and get the brute every time he barks. I hope he’s gone soon! The girls seem to like their new hay-filled nesting spot and Hercules is strutting so as to work his way right into the pot. Twice he’s chased Rowan and as far as I’m concerned, that is the fastest way to become stew.

The evening was spent in town, a christmas parade Wartburg style. This means lots of vintage cars, ATV’s, firetrucks, and church floats with people throwing tons of candy at the sidelines. One of the santas was smoking, the lit semi-trucks could have honked Jingle Bells” with just a little more coordination, and we learned that shouting “Merry Christmas” is the key to getting a handful of candy thrown your way. It was a fun night that the kids thoroughly enjoyed; maybe they’re getting easier to please with country living! And along the way, we had a surprising chance meeting with another couple of “transplants”, who used words like “alternative energy sources” and “growing independent thinkers”. Refreshment I tell ya.

I’ve got all the good aches and pains a day in the yard can bring. Somewhere in there I cut everyone’s hair (the baby has a short hair cut!), made Lentil Pecan patties, and did a fair amount of housework. There were no emergencies today and that’s fabulous.

This is our favorite advent poem, discovered (for us) in Watch For the Light, a book of advent sermons and devotions divided one per day during the waiting time. I got the link from poemhunter.com

Black Rook in Rainy Weather

On the stiff twig up there
Hunches a wet black rook
Arranging and rearranging its feathers in the rain-
I do not expect a miracle
Or an accident

To set the sight on fire
In my eye, nor seek
Any more in the desultory weather some design,
But let spotted leaves fall as they fall
Without ceremony, or portent.

Although, I admit, I desire,
Occasionally, some backtalk
From the mute sky, I can’t honestly complain:
A certain minor light may still
Lean incandescent

Out of kitchen table or chair
As if a celestial burning took
Possession of the most obtuse objects now and then –
Thus hallowing an interval
Otherwise inconsequent

By bestowing largesse, honor
One might say love. At any rate, I now walk
Wary (for it could happen
Even in this dull, ruinous landscape); sceptical
Yet politic, ignorant

Of whatever angel any choose to flare
Suddenly at my elbow. I only know that a rook
Ordering its black feathers can so shine
As to seize my senses, haul
My eyelids up, and grant

A brief respite from fear
Of total neutrality. With luck,
Trekking stubborn through this season
Of fatigue, I shall
Patch together a content

Of sorts. Miracles occur.
If you care to call those spasmodic
Tricks of radiance
Miracles. The wait’s begun again,
The long wait for the angel,

For that rare, random descent.