The Journey to Orthodoxy 04 Jan 2007 01:56 pm
Sinning in the Dark
When someone hits another person, they leave a mark. The bible says that, “whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.” Sometimes people hit another to make them shut up and sometimes they hit them so as to bait a response. And it seems to me that verse in Matthew is quite miraculous a response to bait and a humbling one when used to allow the bully to hush one’s voice.
Either way, the striking is a sin on the part of the striker. In the case of the bully, I wonder when there is a time to stand up and not allow them to continue the attack.
Interesting thing about bullies. Put them together with thieves, murderers, and other abusers: they most often do their deed in the dark. Behind the scenes. In private. In ways that would put the bringing of it into the light squarely on the shoulders of the one persecuted.
This morning I went outside and discovered that in the dark of the night, a raccoon had plundered my chicken coop and robbed us of our eggs. The birds were safe, probably because the varmint could probably only reach an arm in and the birds were able to crawl to safety. Surely “turn the other cheek” doesn’t apply here…though I could put out a plate of food I suppose and hope the Raccoon would leave my egg supply alone.
We recently received something that held within the expected and the unexpected. Expected were the consequences of a recent change in our lives. Expected was the disagreement on the part of the authors. Unexpected was the personal attack and slander that accompanied it. We are left hurting and wondering what response, if any, is best.
In the internet world, this would be considered a “private slam”. No witnesses. No accountabilty. No way to answer the inaccuracies without continuing an unpalatable conversation. The burden of bringing it into the light is on our shoulders. Matthew has a few verses about that as well.
We are pondering letting it go. Yet it seems wrong somehow to allow the writers to go on assuming they hold the truth, people in positions of power, likely continuing the slander among others whose opinion of me I care about. It defies my sense of personal justice. I ponder the verse in Matthew, which most assuredly counters any form of “personal justice”. I think about what we teach our children, “even if no one is around, God sees what you are doing.” I think of christians gone before, who absolutely withstood much more grievous attacks, both in public and in private. I think of my Champion, the Theotokos…how odd it is to my protestant ears to consider the mother of God, a defender. But if I’m surrounded with the heavenly host, with the church Triumphant, then others see the sins committed in the dark as well.
I wonder at the stature of men who can not say what they think in the light, directly to us. I wonder at shepherds who only govern, and neither tend nor speak. I wonder at heartbreak and how to best react, with wholeness and serenity.
Today I’ll mend the chicken wire fence. I will pray. I will stay in the light.
on 04 Jan 2007 at 11:20 pm 1.Joel said …
When I was in 5th grade I was a very bitter person. I hated my teacher and she allowed some degree of bullying to occur on me. It came to a head when I called her fat. She reported me and I was the immovable stone wall. I would not apologize. I would let them expel me rather than let her win.
My mother taught me an invaluable lesson. She explained that if I were to apologize and explain why I was so angry that it would be on the record, so to speak. The principal would, of course, read it and questions would be raised. It wasn’t a counter punch as much as a smart way to rail against the system, as it were. So I wrote the apology and included a lengthy explanation of what I felt were wrongs against me. It didn’t make what I did right but it did make a difference. The teacher pulled me aside not long after I turned it in. She waved it in my face and said “You call this an apology?” She all but accused me of making it all up but said it would suffice and it was accepted. I suspect that the principal asked her about all that I had said. The bullying was also put to a stop much quicker afterwards.
It was a powerful lesson and one that has helped me in this age of faceless attacks. I think “turn the other cheek” must be read with “don’t let the sun go down on your anger”. Turn the other cheek doesn’t mean “sit there and take it”. If that’s what it meant Jesus would have kept silent when the Pharisees accused him of being Satan himself.
I have always read it to mean “be the bigger person and walk away”. While you don’t need to apologize, you do need to not let the sun go down on the situation. If I were you I would pick a time for you and David to sit down and talk about what was said. Don’t let it stew or for any sinful thoughts to creep in. Then write a letter. Not one of anger but one of closure. Correct the record, say your piece, and move on. Let your passion come through as you do here so well. Either they will accept your letter and learn or they will disagree and respond any number of ways. Regardless, if you agree to disagree and part ways things are better for you in the end. Let them heap coals on their heads and stew for you have turned your other cheek. Let them strike it too, for you have not sinned in your response to the first strike. I pray wisdom for you both in this.
on 05 Jan 2007 at 8:16 am 2.Tia said …
How confirming! This morning David woke up with a very similar decision. It varies only slightly. Thanks for the kind note Joel.
on 05 Jan 2007 at 9:31 am 3.Bannergranny said …
Can it be said that wisdom and forgiveness are born from pain and injustice. Wise words Joel, Tia I believe this is the path to take. Let God shine through your writing a response, and the Light will expose the wrongness. I am at peace with your choice, knowing you are grounded in the truth of the Word of God….going where many of us are too afraid or too “dulled” by comfort. Bless you.