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Metanoia: a change of mind or lifestyle arising from spiritual conversion or repentance.

Such a season of change it is with my heart, life, and mind this year! I find the summation, my metanoia, everywhere, from the little crevices of routines rhythmically done year in and year out to the big, bold environmental earthquakes changing the backdrops of our days.

Last year the word that came to me over and over was “holistic”. In a steady stream of irony I watched and participated in life changes that were completely whole in their reach, not even the smallest detail being unaffected. Who knew that what kind of chickens I keep this year or where my children attend boy scouts  would be changed by the way I pray and where I do it? For nearly two years we have worked to pay off our debts, we’ve prayed, “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors” every week, and now we stand on the precipace of seeing that come to fruition. What a radical thought it is then, to be climbing the stairs inoccuously gathering laundry and to realize that starting in a few short weeks, the money we make will be mostly ours to use…it is owed to no man!! That same prayer includes the words, “thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven” and for the first time in my life I’m thinking about and visualizing what that can look like, what it can be like.

There is a new energy in my home, an optimism and freedom that we’ve long wanted but weren’t sure how to attain. It is, yes, ironic, that within a season of The Great Fast, we should feel so full, so rich, so blessed beyond measure. There is goodness abounding that for years we chose not to partake in, thinking that in denial we somehow became more pious. Why we chose to draw a shade about the light that had the potential to illuminate our path, I wonder at now.

One thing is sure: I can’t imagine any going back. Once one has feasted at a table that includes such rich texture, taste, and beauty…when health and fullness can be asked for and recieved, even as they may defy fitting within the small constraints we box them in with, there can be no rational reason to going back. Only an embracing of fear could cause a return to old ways and “God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

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