The Journey to Orthodoxy & books & money and Dave R. 30 Mar 2007 08:33 am
Working Title
Oh what an exciting week it has been! And few will probably appreciate the magnitude of that statement…this was the week of our daughter Clara’s 8th birthday. Due to a misunderstanding of where I was on the calendar (itself a minor miracle in the last week of March), I first thought her birthday was Sunday. Then Tuesday. But really, it was yesterday. What struck me as beautiful is that is was the kind of comical befuddlement that happens to my living children’s birthdays too. It was the first time it had happened with Clara’s; the darkness that has followed me every spring has been lifted. I attribute this almost completely to the fact that she has been remembered in corporate, public prayers for the departed since late fall. Her presense as one who prays for me as well has been validated; something I’ve long felt but never heard another say so seriously and earnestly as I have this winter. That she is no longer my “secret”, that I no longer feel like I must fight the tendancy to make the dead invisible, has been it’s own miracle in my spirit and the result has been the lack of dread as we’ve approached the season of anniversaries.
And so this has been a good week! Tulips and butterflies and ivy and daffodils! Sunshine and supreme warmth! As I type there is birdsong outside my open window.
Last night we made our first confession, in preparation for our upcoming chrismation. I’ve been pondering what confession really is: said privately it really is only an admission that you know what God has already known. True confession does require another’s ears hear your words. I made a list, one to help me remember and stay focused, but what the true result was the creation of a record resulting in self-loathing and shame. And I think for the first time my embarrassment at needing to say this before another human being, especially one I love and respect so much, gave me a glimpse at what must be so much more grievous before a heavenly father. And in to an earthly, lesser, extent, I think what happened was glorious. Because this confessor, this human being, did not seem to look at me differently afterward and certainly not with the scorn I’d feared. Rather than rejection I was given grace and love. I left feeling comfort and reassurance that my redemption is truly a possible thing, even with habitutal sins that I’ve long struggled with, even as I fight battles like everyone else, not so odd after all. And if that is model of what really happens in a heavenly realm then I stand amazed and bit sad that this was missing from my tradition for a lifetime.
I’ve two major projects in the works: a book and new business. This blog has over 50k hits per month and the readership is growing, what I’m told is a good performance for a young site. Requests for web work and blog make-overs have come, putting together a “professional blogger” kind of service. So I’ve assembled packages for business people who want a blog, or have a blog that needs revamping, and out of time or knowledge constraints, want some help with it. It’s work I love to do, love to learn, and in some ways, feels like a cummulative way to use what I’ve been developing for a long time.
The book is the other Major Undertaking, one that is much fun and since NanoWriMo, is not all that intimidating. The goal is to have it ready to show to an editor/publisher by the end of September of this year. The working title is Low Income is Better Than Owed Income: How One Family Decided to Live on purpose and Become Debt Free. I’ve got extensive notes and the outline done, and oh yeah, I lived it. It’s our story, plus the testimonies of other like minds, and lots of practical tips for those wanting to give it a go as well.
The image of a puzzle keeps coming to mind, pieces fitting together and the completed picture working its way into focus, a metaphor for the coming year. Everything is a part: healing, committment, work and effort, rest and prayer. The result is clarity; the irony to me, in a year resplendant with ironic moments, is that clarity is the meaning of her name. Some gifts take a long time to open.
on 30 Mar 2007 at 9:48 am 1.Beth said …
That you can honor her name without being overwhelmed by her loss….that’s really such a grand achievement. I hope your Clarity continues to spill over into every area of your life. It’s been great reading and watching your path over the last few years.
on 30 Mar 2007 at 10:40 am 2.bannergranny said …
This “clarity” is what I’ve prayed for so long for you, I knew God would bring it at the right time. Your season of grief, confusion, pain are over I think…now you will rejoice in all that God has brought you through these past 8 years. HAPPY EASTER!!!
on 30 Mar 2007 at 1:27 pm 3.Susan said …
Tia, you are on a really good roll! I can see the pieces coming together too. Your healing regarding Clara’s death and life, are such a joy to me. Thanks for sharing!
Carpe Diem!
Susan
on 30 Mar 2007 at 7:47 pm 4.martha jane said …
St Photini the Samaritan Woman at the well: her name means “light”, in other languages, Clare, Clara.
on 06 Apr 2007 at 6:13 pm 5.Susanne said …
I felt *precisely* the same way after my first ever Anglican confession — it was so freeing. My only regret is not having this wonderful thing as part of my life previously.
I struggle so much with perfectionism, so having to make a list of sins and hen receiving not only absolution but helpful, gracious advice and a penance that has been leading me away from sin and toward God has been, well, FREEING.
on 05 May 2007 at 10:39 pm 6.Fr. James Ellison said …
Dear brothers and sisters,
Christ is Risen!
Just stumbled across your blog while doing some research for a sermon. Congratulations on your chrismation and entrance into the fullness of the faith.
My wife and I and our five daughters (total 7 redheads) came into the Orthodox Church many years ago. Now two daughters are St. Vlad’s graduates, three son-in-laws, (one now among the departed) and 4 grandchildren later we are still all orthodox and increasing the fold by marriage evangelism and births.
FYI Our license plate for many years is RDHAIR 7 and for our second car we have added RDHAIR 2 for our empty nest years which are fast approaching.
Well thats all. Just wanted to welcome more redheads to the family of faith. Write back if you have interest.
Christos Anesti
on 07 May 2007 at 8:10 am 7.Tia said …
Indeed He is Risen!!!
It’s so good to meet you Fr. James! I’m finding Orthodoxy to be truly the fullness of christianity. Thank you so much for the welcome and the kind comment.
Incidentally, there are other redheaded Ellisons ’round these part…commenters C&C are out west, protestant though, but I thought it was a fun thought at the possible connection.
Comical aside…we were chrismated in a group of 14, all but two of them were redheaded. We fit right in within our parish where it’s not so odd. But we visited a Greek O church over pascha where were most definitely the only redheads present! It felt so odd! So…may the world be populated with more redheads!
What is the response to to Christos Anesti?
Blessings~ Tia
on 08 May 2007 at 12:11 am 8.C&C said …
Protestant, Orthodox, Catholic or any other sect…as long as one believes that salvation is by nothing else other than by one putting his or her faith in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ and making Him his/her Saviour and Lord (resulting in God’s grace being extended to that person forever) AND not adding works(church membership, baptism, etc.) or anything else as a requirement for salvation, that is the unarguable and undeniable cornerstone of true Christianity. As for the fullness of Christianity, I respectfully say that it can only be found in James 1:27, “…To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself (or oneself) unspotted from the world.” In other words, it is found in the “actions of Christ” (or our doing for others) and not in the actions of men (which include any Protestant, Orthodox, Catholic or any other religious service).