Featured posts & The Journey to Orthodoxy 20 May 2007 05:29 pm
Love thy neighbor as thyself.
I love running. Well, not quite… I hate running. No, not exactly because I do it too much. I like the results running gives me. What else is true is that I’m a horrible runner. I’m not even sure one could call what I do “running”….it’s more like wogging, a combination of walking and jogging, done with a grimace on my face and the feeling that vomit is not far behind. No matter how often I run or how I train myself, I still can’t go faster, and it doesn’t feel better; timing my “mile” would be obnoxious. My “runner’s high” means I’ve pushed through the ready-to-puke-feeling and can actually run and feel on the verge at the same time. It’s not unlike that place in labor that is early transition: not quite the place where you are out of your mind in pain and urgently wanting that baby out but well after the place where your body is getting to serious work and you know there’s no turning back, no doing this another day, no other way out but through.
And so I run because while all this is happening to my body, my brain is pushing through the exhaustion and the anxiety. The junk in my trunk is hopefully melting down a little more. And somewhere around the third lap I start to be able to think clearly.
I LOVE this place in my mind. Ideas fall into a practical order that I can see almost tangibly and figure out how make them real; I can “see” what thing to do next. I step back from the emotion of stuff, because emotion while going through grueling physical work is too distracting, and see the elements of situations for what they are and what needs to be done. Lately, I’ve thought about my business, my book, my marriage, my kids, our future…
Today though, I had company. One of the neighbors was out on her go-cart. She had a child on a child’s-size 4 wheeler making laps with her. She (the go-cart driver) is the daughter of the woman who reported our children to the police for playing outside too much. They made circles on their exhaust-fuming machines while I tried to walk-run-wog my own. When I clung to the inside of the loop, they crossed over the lane to come at me head on, antagonizing and daring me to “play chicken”. Later, she was joined by two other girls on 4-wheelers, also making loops.
So ya know? I don’t get the appeal of 4 wheelers on a paved loop. It’s right up there with mud bogging and Nascar. Snow mobiles? Those make sense in their context. Jet Skiis…way fun. And ATV’s out in the country seem to have a purpose too. But loops on paved concrete, when gas is over $3 a gallon, and the things pollute like you wouldn’t believe, making so much noise that the drivers can’t really communicate and they weren’t even racing….well I don’t get it.
One message did come in loud and clear though. After many, many consistent reminders through church and the afternoon today, I know I don’t love my neighbors. In fact, I’m struggling with down right hatred and resentment. I’m mad at them, mad that they don’t like me, mad that they won’t even just leave me alone. Hatred and anger does not feel good. It’s not what I thought I’d have in this neighborhood, this country life I hungered for so long. Approaching them isn’t a safe idea; any thoughts of bringing a pie or cookies would be spurned. I’ve been waving at one man who sits on his swing watching me run everyday; after 9 waves deliberately in his direction on every loop (he’s about 15 clear feet from my path and stares right at the road) I finally gave up.
So how to love these people? I crossed the road when they played chicken. I made (well tried anyway) to think of other things rather than dwell on how much I dislike their pastime. I avoided eye contact and kept my mouth shut. Other than that, I’m a bit out of ideas. If you have one, I’m open to suggestions. And if you’ll pray for me, please do.
on 21 May 2007 at 12:36 am 1.sharon said …
That’s a really hard one…Prayer is the only thing that will bring you through this, or that will effect a change in your neighbors’ hearts.
We had a mildly similar experience with an elderly woman that lived next door to us at our apartment.
I took muffins and soup which were rebuffed.
We waved and said hello only to be ignored.
I mainly felt sad for her, because she seemed so lonely, and she would not even acknowledge our presence. I prayed that God would open her heart. But what God did, was take us from that town.
There is a verse somewhere that talks about being loving in the way God wants us to be, thereby heaping burning coals on your enemies’ heads.
One way or the other, I am convinced thus far in my life, that all those things I try to change by shear human effort, really are aching for some honest and constant prayer time. I will certainly prayer for you and your neighbors!
on 21 May 2007 at 9:27 am 2.Joel said …
If you take a holistic view of the Bible you see a common theme in treatment of others. Love thy neighbor goes hand in hand with “I was naked and you clothed me, I was hungry and you fed me”. That list in Matthew is just an example list. He could just as easily have said “I was your grumpy neighbor who called the cops on you for no reason and you were still kind to me.”
Chris Rice put it well
Ultimately what you should do is pray for them. Not an easy thing to do but you’ll find that your burden is suddenly lighter and your anger just can’t stay. I’ve prayed for my former boss (the one who owes us money still) every since the time we parted ways. If you don’t pray for them? Well, let’s just say God has a way of demanding you give up that which keeps you from him. Prayer has a funny way of giving you God’s perspective on things.
on 21 May 2007 at 10:00 am 3.(M) Beth said …
There is a prayer (which I don’t have the text of right now because I’m at work) which says - basically - ‘When my enemies stand before the judgement seat, let them not fail to find mercy with You because of me.’
When you pray for your enemies, you don’t have to try to like them. Praying for them to find mercy with God is a loving act in itself, and it is a *God-like* thing to do, because God is wanting to show mercy to all. I think it is easier not to hold resentment when you practice asking God to have mercy on your neighbors as a regular exercise. You just take yourself out of the equation, so to speak. You pray for them like Jesus prayed for us… ‘Father forgive them.’
on 21 May 2007 at 4:39 pm 4.Dawn said …
Regarding your running, this guy has been a great inspiration to me…check him out.
Waddle on,
Dawn
http://www.johnbingham.com/
on 21 May 2007 at 9:41 pm 5.Tia said …
Thanks Dawn! I did indeed check him out and he sounds great! Very approachable and realistic.
on 21 May 2007 at 10:08 pm 6.C&C said …
“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men…” Galatians 6:9-10a
on 21 May 2007 at 10:59 pm 7.Kyra said …
For reasons that should not be discussed in something as public as a blog I have a situation with my SIL. 20 years in the making, this one. I recall one hour long confession that dwelt on nothing more than 17 years of past hurts, anger, resentment…..
My Father confessor at the time said, “Have you prayed for her?” What? How could I be expected to do such a loving act to someone who had hurt me, hurt my family, my husband, my children so very much??? Impossible.
The next year I went back for confession. I mentioned that I found myself getting angry at people…little things just ticked me off. This..that…stuck with me.
“Did you pray for your sister-in-law yet?” I had to bite back the response that wanted to say, “We weren’t talking about HER.”…the answer was a sheepish “no.”
“It grows.” was all Father John said to me.
I do pray for her now…sometimes through venom, but I try.
on 22 May 2007 at 10:10 pm 8.stacy said …
I think the best bet is to try to not respond to their antics and ignore them thoroughly. Over time, maybe the novelty of their hate game will wear thin, and they’ll stop of their own accord. Out of sheer boredom.
If you respond or show distress, I think that gives them what they want and feeds the fire, so to speak.
But who knows. I can’t predict what the best course of action is.
on 30 May 2007 at 9:00 pm 9.Tim Richardson said …
Tia - It’s hard to love everybody. I raised a similar question this morning at my 6:00 am bible study (where it’s hard to love anyone for planning that!). This morning we were reading the 12th chapter of Mark, we are told to love God with all of our heart, all of our soul, all of our strength and all of our might.
My friend who leads the study (coincidentially named Mark) said this morning that his ability to love God is directly related to how well he loves his neighbor.
Keep waving. You’ll wear him down.
on 23 Jun 2007 at 5:03 pm 10.Exercise365 | The sky on this day. said …
[…] Morning yoga, 200 or so crunches traditional style; 50 or so lower body. 50 fly leg lifts, 20 standing pushups and a bunch of ballet kicks. That was this morning before writing. After writing I did an hour of my ugly run/walk. […]