Miscellany 03 Jun 2007 10:19 pm
Agree or disagree?
 Someone said this to me this weekend:
” It’s always snarky, to suggest that someone has exasperated you, or that you have to patiently explain to someone something.”
The word “snarky” defined:
“A witty mannerism, personality, or behavior that is a combination of sarcasm and cynicism. Usually accepted as a complimentary term. Snark is sometimes mistaken for a snotty or arrogant attitude.”
So do you agree or disagree? Is it witty, sarcastic, cynical, snotty, or arrogant to try to explain something to someone in a patient manner, when you are beginning to feel exasperated from having had to repeat it due to a lack of mutual understanding?
And if you agree, when is taking a breath in order to keep your composure OR showing any visible sign of fatigue, anything but honesty?
Do you think when one is feeling tired and frustrated in communication that all efforts should stop? Or that it’s okay to acknowledge that sometimes communication can be difficult and pressing on through the fatigue can be a good thing?
If you disagree, can you come up with an example where patient explanations were needed that was NOT done in arrogance, snottiness, cynicism, etc…..
on 04 Jun 2007 at 7:56 am 1.Amy said …
Agree or disagree …
I’m not sure which. I think people might find me a snarkish person by this definition … I long to be understood and often find myself explaining my position. Even if I know I’m wrong in a situation, like yesterday when I said, I know I’m being a baby, but I wanted to have the cabinets the way I wanted them, I had admitted my fault in it BUT want the person opposite to understand my point of view.
It was received as snarky … in fact, some of the words you used like, sarcastic and frustration and snotty and arrogant were words used to describe “how I acted” …
all said, I felt like I was honest. I did have my heart set on something, I did make my want known and my disappointment apparent. I was frustrated that I was not being understood. BUT I do not feel like have more right to be understoond than anyone else, I strive to ask questions and gain understanding (maybe to a fault) when I know someone is feeling less than understood. Isn’t arrogance define by an attitude of elitism(is that spelled correctly?)? And if you felt you were superior to someone would you even take time to try to understand them? I don’t think so.
so, I’ve talked myself into disagreeing with the notion that trying to explain something in a patient manner is snarky …
but this morning, when it continued on … I was probably snarly … maybe with a capital S.
on 04 Jun 2007 at 11:14 am 2.Queenofthehill said …
I’m thinking the word “snarky” just doesn’t get used enough. I didn’t even know it was a real word. I’ll definitely add it to my list.
As for whether I agree, or disagree, I’m thinking that it really is a situation by situation thing. Sometimes, we may be snarky while impatiently explaining. Sometimes, not.
I will confess to being the world’s most IMpatient explainer. I’ve got like 2 good, patient attempts in me and beyond that, all bets are off. It’s a horrible character flaw.
I’m never witty when going off and snarky wouldn’t apply if you think of the part of the definition that is “witty.” Cynical yes, sarcastic yes, and those strategies not used in a manner that anyone would actually compliment. Definitely snotty, and perhaps you have to be arrogant to be snotty. So I’m the worst parts of snarky, without the good.
I can think of one of my friends in particular whose photo could be found next to “snarky” in the dictionary, but whose use of snarkiness always leave me laughing and feeling good. I wish I was that way.
on 04 Jun 2007 at 11:34 am 3.Laura Parrish said …
Hi Tia –
Well, hmm. I have read the discussion you’re talking about. I understand that you feel that your posts were misunderstood on that discussion list.
You are a new unschooler, posting on a list where there are parents who have been unschooling and writing about it for years. I have been reading the writings of these women (and men) for 8 years, now. There have been times, 3 or 4 years ago now, that I have felt like a longtime unschooler, qualified to expound upon my family’s “unschooling lifestyle”. I would go back and read my post, proud that my family sounded so cool, so hip, so special. It made me feel “better than”, you know? It was bad for me, like poison. :)And the smart unschoolers on the list recognized my posts as the self-serving “yay me” essays that they were, and I would be called on it. Keeping it real, honest, was/is important on these unschooling lists.
If “getting” unschooling is important to you, you can choose to step back from the discussion and read, read, read. Putting so much energy into “explaining” what YOU mean, without putting energy toward reading and really listening, won’t move you along in understanding unschooling.
I’m not sure I felt snarkyness in your posts. I did recognize the air of superiority and condescension in them, though. I’ve been there. These days, I’m trying to care less how my family LOOKS from the outside and trying to care more about how it feels from the center.
Laura Parrish
on 04 Jun 2007 at 12:32 pm 4.Tia said …
Laura, I’m not at all new to unschooling. And this wasn’t about the list really…it’s about the sentiment that was expressed in a different context, and with the word “always” used on the part of the speaker, it got me thinking. I brought it here, on my own turf, to explore with other minds.
“These days, I’m trying to care less how my family LOOKS from the outside and trying to care more about how it feels from the center.”
Me too. That’s what Living Deliberately is all about.
on 04 Jun 2007 at 1:47 pm 5.Mary said …
Tia,
Patience is not my middle name.
I have met very few people who didn’t show signs of impatience (breathing out, rolling eyes, etc.). The few people I have met who show no sign of frustration (M. Beth and Father S. come to mind) have a rare gift. With them, I feel that I am not being judged for not understanding something, or being shoved aside for taking up their time.
Now if only I could figure out HOW they don’t show signs of impatience…
on 04 Jun 2007 at 2:08 pm 6.Sarah K. said …
Well…since you asked…
Is it “snarky, to suggest that someone has exasperated you, or that you have to patiently explain to someone somethingâ€?
Ummm… aren’t patient and snarky almost-but-not-quite antonyms?
Really though, I guess it depends on how the exasperation is suggested. Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but (like almost everything in life) certainly not ALWAYS.
ALWAYS almost always rubs me the wrong way (NEVER does too). You want to start a verbal brawl? Tell me I ALWAYS/NEVER ____________. Nine times out of ten that will do it. But not ALWAYS! Ha!