Life before 2008 06 Jun 2007 04:00 pm
Agree or disagree?
“Our own lives are the only things we ever really can be experts on.”
Life before 2008 06 Jun 2007 04:00 pm
“Our own lives are the only things we ever really can be experts on.”
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on 06 Jun 2007 at 5:20 pm 1.MrPages said …
I’m sure not an expert at my life…
on 06 Jun 2007 at 5:56 pm 2.Tia said …
So you mean, other than God, there is someone who knows your own life better than you? Someone who is more an expert on “you” than you?
This is what I’m wondering.
on 06 Jun 2007 at 7:48 pm 3.Carol said …
I agree with that statement. And I feel the same way about my child. I am the expert about her life. I can be wrong and I can need guidance from other people, but no one is as expert in understanding my child’s needs. Now, she’s only 8 and I fully expect her to become the expert of her own life more and more as the years go by. Finally, I will have to give up that title and just be an expert at my life only (well, except for my efforts at being an expert at my husband’s life! LOL)
on 06 Jun 2007 at 7:50 pm 4.Carol said …
OK, so maybe I missed the word “only”.
on 06 Jun 2007 at 8:38 pm 5.Kyra said …
“So you mean, other than God, there is someone who knows your own life better than you? Someone who is more an expert on “you†than you?
This is what I’m wondering.”
I don’t know how many times in my own life I have been blind to what is really going on and my reasons for it until someone pointed it out to me who was an objective observer.
Expert on myself…I think not.
My best thought is “expert” is a relative term that is applicable in certain situations…am I an expert on having c-sections…we in a room full of the average men, women and children chances are I have had more than your average bear, and know more about them than any given person in the room.
Now put an OB/GYN in the room, someone who has had more than I, someone who has been trained to perform c-sections, a mid-wife and I am no longer an “expert.”
Is there anyone who can figure me out better than me? Yep…but again, it depends on the situation…and whether I am willing to accept and apply what they have said. You only get so many Mulligans in life to try to find the right path and thing to do.
on 07 Jun 2007 at 7:03 am 6.Tia said …
Good thoughts Kyra and Carol. I’m still thinking….
on 07 Jun 2007 at 10:55 am 7.Carol said …
“Now put an OB/GYN in the room, someone who has had more than I, someone who has been trained to perform c-sections, a mid-wife and I am no longer an “expert.—
I agree with that thought. I consider myself an “expert” in my work field, but part of that expertise is the awareness of when I don’t have the answer and theneed to research for better answers, to turn to others for help. That does not make me less of an expert, but increases my expertise. An “expert” who does not also considers others’ expertise will surely be a fool.
In my own life, I have to listen to other opinions, but in the end, I am the one who filters the information and makes the final decision.
And, on my grand thoughts about being an expert on my child’s life, I really flunked out last night with my so-called expertise….
Just some thoughts - may be revised later….
on 07 Jun 2007 at 11:29 am 8.Queenofthehill said …
If you had phrased it “Our own lives are the only LIVES we ever really can be experts on,” I might agree — with the exception of the lives of our children. I am the expert on them. Even our shared pediatrician agrees that the mom is the expert on the health of a child, for example.
But you said I can’t be an expert on anything but my own life and I do disagree with that. I have my areas of expertise, and I recognize expertise in others. (Can anyone deny that Madam SmallWorld is the grammar Czarina?)
on 07 Jun 2007 at 1:06 pm 9.gina said …
I agree with the thought- although I don’t think it’s entirely true- it would be nice to think that we are the experts. A friend of mine always said that experts were only drips under pressure. Maybe we are more accurate, more precise in our own lives, but experts- naw. But I’m probably reading between the lines too much as to this phrase’s meaning.
on 08 Jun 2007 at 8:16 am 10.Tia said …
Thinking today, and I need more coffee….
I like the reminder that sometimes we are too close to ourselves to see ourselves accurately; so many times I’m reminded that our spouses, our parents, our friends, may see something we seem blind to.
I also like the reminder that we still always take what is said to us, about us, and filter it through our own minds, creating another dynamic that is more than the opinion or the information but now the feeling of what it is like to hear that/feel that.
Ultimately, I think we are only known by other humans to the extent we allow ourselves to be known. Even if everyone else thinks they have us figured out, there can still be a depth of unknowns and secrets on the part of the individual…a patchwork of memories and experiences those present aren’t privy to, so in that sense, we are “experts” on our own lives because we are the only constant, the only one who was there for it all.
Incidentally, the original quote was spoken by me, somewhat in haste, and someone “called me” on it, suggesting I sounded like I “knew it all”. Well, as was talking about my own life, my own thoughts, and my own experiences, I thought that was okay…I *do* know more than anyone else what I think and feel. On the other hand, it got me thinking about whether or not I’d painted with too broadly a brush and if I was sounding arrogant again, my own personal demon.
Fr. Stephen’s blogs about true self/false self this week (see blog for link to yesterday’s and he has a new one today) have come into this. I am trying to imagine what it would be like if I didn’t say what I’m thinking/learning/feeling from an “I” standpoint but instead asked or listened to others around me what I should be/do think/learn/feel. It feels like a threatening, smothering, thought, a disappearance of who “I” am while instead taking on whatever stronger identity I’m being influenced by.
I think, in the specific situation these thoughts were born into, that would be the case. The stronger personality *wants* others listening/thinking/learning along the lines they dictate. An independent thought or opinion is threatening to the order they’ve established. Anyone sounding deliberate or decided must be squashed and fast as a “know it all” because the power equilibrium must not be tampered with.
On the other hand, bully and tyrant situations aside, I wonder where freedom comes into play. There is a difference, I think, in *deciding* to listen/think/learn someone’s opinion, even it’s about you and being forced to. If I willingly set aside my “expertise” on myself to take in their viewpoint, I can see humility and care for that person’s own thoughts, and it seems there is a symbiotic community that can be grown. Not so much the same if I insist my opinion (even of me) is the only one that matters…that seems to foster only arrogance and isolation.
So anyway…still thinking. Need more coffee.
on 08 Jun 2007 at 8:38 am 11.Erin said …
“An independent thought or opinion is threatening to the order they’ve established. Anyone sounding deliberate or decided must be squashed and fast as a “know it all†because the power equilibrium must not be tampered with.”
I agree with this statement 100% as I do with the following paragraph. I personally think that we know the real “us” but we would be arrogant and closed minded if we didn’t listen to those around us and applied some of what they said about us. (i.e. You chose to real through this blog thus allowing many people, even those closest to you, see thoughts, beliefs, hurts, and dreams that we would never have known.) For us not to would hinder our growth as individuals. Mind you, not all of what others may say could be applicable. Choosing to listen to others and all that it entails makes us vulnerable, thats why most people don’t want to do it.
I too, am still thinking.
on 08 Jun 2007 at 9:23 am 12.Brian Glass said …
There are two kinds of people in the world.
There are the kind who are empty containers and fill themselves with what they think people want them to be. They are unsure of their very selves and can be experts on nothing.
Then there are the kind who know who they are and are unaffected by the opinions of others.
on 08 Jun 2007 at 2:08 pm 13.Tia said …
Seth Godin’s blog had something on it today that might apply to this discussion…of course, he’s talking about the instances where someone seeks out a coach (opinion) and then bristles at the advice…
http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2007/06/coachable.html
Brian, do you think there could be a third kind of person? The one who knows with confidence who they are, is not swayed by bully tactics, but whom also is meek and teachable to the betterment of their person?