Daily Deliberate Changes 14 Sep 2007 07:49 pm
Stay-At-Home-Mom transitions to Work-At-Home-Mom with Mixed Results.
Today I did the mid-month traffic checks for my clients and took a peek at my own traffic. And whoa! Things have slowed down! I guess that’s what happens when the posting slows down. In addition, my major keywords continue to be Kathryn Sansone and the posts I wrote whilst reviewing her book over a year ago. Blog-Wisdom says make my blog more about my most common keyword search but while I may be Ms. Sansone’s antithesis (or some version therin), I do NOT want my blog to be all about her or all about what she’s about. Neither do I want to extend my disgruntlement from her BOOK to HER. It follows that, if the numbers suffer for it, sobeit. But that isn’t the whole of why I haven’t been blogging much…and it’s not just about being busy either. It’s about having something to say but not being sure how to say it, and caring about how it’s recieved.
What’s really been going on in the Sixredhead’s household though is that Mommy wears a new hat. Mommy’s business quickly became a full-time job with all the flexible blessings at-home employement offers…and all of the challenges as well. Such as: I can work late at night BUT my office is a closet and has no door. Such as: I’m still here in body all day BUT have times when I can’t be interrupted. Such as: I’m “home all day” BUT am more busy than those looking on may realize (no I can’t volunteer to run a new project even though I’m “home all day” and you’re not) (and pre-emptive reassurance to my dear friends…this latest offense happened just this afternoon so none of you are being alluded to here!).
What this means is that “mom hiding in the Tennessee hills” now has “business meetings”. She has phone conferences. She has opportunities to help her family along in their financial goals. AND it’s tons of fun and something she’s excited about. It also means that those eyebrows need to be addressed, it’s time for some new clothes, and oh -yeah… a toddler screaming “come wipe me” in the background probably isn’t great for a phone meeting…so make an appointment please.
We’ve all been working through the adjustment. Hiring a housework helper is still cost prohibitive (by far) and not really available out here in the sticks BUT I have less time to keep up with the laundry. I still cook three meals a day BUT need some help with the prep. Enter can-do kids and a heightened allowance. This, mind you, has not been a bed of roses. Because even good employees need management and *close* supervision, which is really a whole ‘nother hat to wear. Not quite mothering, not quite managing, it’s sort of inbetween and quite necessary.
Setting limits has been interesting. I quickly set an “unplug on Sunday” rule and I’m finally getting into a more day routine and less-night stuff, though I put in at least two long nights a week. Dad does most of the homeschooling, and has for the past year, so in the evenings I get the most uninteruppted work done. Tomorrow will be the first Saturday in months that I don’t plan on working; I’m planting violas and pansies instead. And this week I hired someone to help keep “the books” and accounting.
But 6 months in and things are smoothing out a little. I’m at least getting to the point where I can blog/talk about this major life direction we’ve gone in. I never thought I’d have a business anything like this but I find it really is an exciting, marvelous fit for all of us. What’s most surprising is that it’s NOT “a little business for Mom on the side” and it would be lying to present it that way. I have spent more than a little time feeling shy about it, wondering what others would think, and also struggling a bit at lifestyle change. For a long, long time, my hard work has gone to coping with a situation…not towards changing it. This is a metanoya of sorts and I’m sometimes unsure of how to describe it.
Earlier this year I read some books that got me articulating what I wanted out of my next decade; I’d finished the previous “decade” a year or so before and all the things I’d written down on a list 10 years earlier. For a year after I languished, trying to put into words what it was I wanted to accomplish with any time I was given in the next span of 10 years. This year brought that articulation of goal but I didn’t necessarily know HOW it was going to come to pass. I’m seeing how critical it was then to say out loud, over and over again to myself every day, what it was I was aiming for. Choices came to be presented and were decided either for or against, the context of those stated goals.
So rather than start a new (anonymous) blog about how a homeschooling, single income, family transitioned to a two-income, mom-with-a-job household, I’m “coming out of the closet” and saying out loud that that is what we are becoming. Life around here is changing. Life around here NEEDED to change. I think sharing how it looks could possibly help others. I know it will help me to talk about it.
Onward~
on 17 Sep 2007 at 12:44 am 1.CandC said …
Unfortunately, you are going down the same path you said you hoped you would not go down. You are becoming Kathryn Sansone. Like what you have said about Kathryn and “when does she spend quality and quantity time with her kids”, you have fallen into the same snare.
From what I’ve read in this posting alone, here’s what you are doing: relegating your children to back-burner status and placing your business goals a priority and not those of your family/children; viewing your children as employees and not as the children they should be; letting your desire to not to be in debt lead to your pursuit of the almighty dollar (1 Timothy 6:10); taking your focus off of your family and placing it on to yourself (As you said: “Earlier this year I read some books that got me articulating WHAT I WANTED out of MY next decade; I’d finished the previous “decade†a year or so before and all the things I’d written down on a list 10 years earlier. For a year after I languished, trying to put into words what it was I WANTED to accomplish with any time I was given in the next span of 10 years.”)
Stop what you are doing and return to being a full-time mommie. It’s not too late for you to accomplish the highest and most worthy of all goals — being the mommie that you should be. Remember: Once your children are out of the house, you can achieve these other ambitious goals. I guarantee you that it will be worth the wait.
on 17 Sep 2007 at 3:08 am 2.Colleen said …
So-o-o-o…what is the business? Or did I miss something?
on 17 Sep 2007 at 10:04 am 3.Jaz said …
Way to go, CandC, commentor. That was a good browbeating. You seem to have a bad opinion of working Moms. You quote scripture to beat people with it. Sorry, I don’t buy that. Not working. I believe that scripture is there to lovingly teach, not beat someone over the head.
To the author of this post, I have no idea who you are or what it means to be someone else unless you are a book author too, which is kind of what I got out of the first part of this. I have never been here before so if that isn’t right, I’m sorry.
What we have learned about working at home is this: we had to learn to budget our time, put family first but get our work done too. It is doable. I say “we” because both my husband and I are at home working on computers. We have been raising two children as well. It is not easy. No one can really say that it is but it is doable and without someone browbeating us or you.
Yes, the kids need their Mom and some supervising, especially in the summer and depending on age. But you said that Dad did the homeschooling. Great! That means that he is supervising the kids while you work. Frankly, I do not see the problem here unless you have that *I* thing going on. If you and your husband work out a schedule to both have quality time with the kids, the work can get done too. It’s all in the timing.
It is incredibly rewarding to be at home and working too. And your benefit is a two income household when it was one. Nice.
Maybe I have it all wrong but this doesn’t sound too bad to me. Just my two cents worth.
on 17 Sep 2007 at 10:22 am 4.Susanna a.k.a. Cheap Like Me said …
I agree - Candc seems to have a chip on her shoulder! Tia also wrote, “I never thought I’d have a business anything like this but I find it really is an exciting, marvelous fit for all of us.”
Not everyone can be a stay at home mom all the time. Sometimes a family needs more income. Sometimes a woman needs more challenge. Home-based businesses ebb and flow. It doesn’t hurt children to help more.
I feel you, Mom! I have had my own business for nearly eight years. I started before I had my daughter so we could be with her. Sometimes she went to day care and preschool part time, sometimes I was with her most of the time, some of the time Dad stayed home. It is always a juggling act. Just remember, nothing is brain surgery (except brain surgery). You need to do a good job, but you need to be realistic, too — the world won’t end if something is late.
Best of all, having flexible hours is a compromise where you can work and bring in income, but also be available for your children so much more than with a regular full-time job.
And I think getting out of debt is a noble goal, and one that God would want us to pursue. Best of all, you are setting that example for your children, which hopefully will be a gift of freedom for them in their own adulthood.
on 17 Sep 2007 at 2:31 pm 5.Tia said …
Suzanna and Jaz~ Thanks for the kind words.
Colleen, the business is the one I started early this year; it started out as a very small “blogsulting” service and has quickly grown to a nice-sized business of blog creation, customization, management, and growth summed up at http://www.theblogsultant.com.
on 17 Sep 2007 at 2:59 pm 6.Tia said …
CandC: so…questions: Was it okay that I did this work when it was a hobby? Why does making money with it cross a line for you? If the business is being blessed with success, what makes you so readily dismiss it as a worthy contribution to my family? And, if you read the review of Ms. Sansone’s book, or perhaps read the book itself, you’d know that is practically a caricature of an extreme…not merely an example of women who work at home (she does not, however, “work”…the book was about her playtime). What makes you think that “working from home” makes me having anything in common with a tennis-playing, manicure-getting, socialite who happens to have birthed many babies?
on 17 Sep 2007 at 4:07 pm 7.Erin said …
Wow, CandC, I really didn’t expect that from you. Of anyone, I would think that you would be supportive of Tia knowing what her ideals are for her family. Having personal goals and trying to “help yourself” is not a sin nor is it going to harm her children in the long run. Having her children and husband helping out in the home can only help teach work ethic and home economics, furthermore teach them that marriage is a give and take. I learned a tremendous amount from my parents - one of which worked in the home for many years. Not because she wanted to, but because she had to. I can certainly vouch that Tia is not becoming like that of Ms. Sansone. While she herself will admit that she has her faults, far be it from me to throw scripture at her because she is trying to help her family further. She has and will continue one of the better role models that I have in my life at what a mom is and can become. Encouragement is needed here, not the criticism.
on 17 Sep 2007 at 5:07 pm 8.carrie said …
Hey Tia, I can’t reply to your latest post (Consequences of Coming Out), so I’m sticking this here.
Wow! Do people really think that way??? If that were the case, the Timberdoodle people would be major “sinners,” LOL! The really *do* make their children employees! I don’t know too many more traditional thinkers about women’s roles in the homeschool world than them, and even they wouldn’t agree with CandC.
My wish has always been to help my girls into skills/careers that can be worked part-time or from home. What better way to prepare our daughters than to give them the means to contribute to the family and still be home and available most of the time? Nursing, editing, writing, internet-based businesses, tutoring, music lessons, job sharing, realtor, lawyer– the list is long.
All I can say is more power to you and may God continue to bless your family.
on 17 Sep 2007 at 6:47 pm 9.Beth said …
Tia, You go girl! I’m so glad your business is growing! It’s The Secret, eh?
on 17 Sep 2007 at 7:22 pm 10.bannergranny said …
Whew! lots of emotion on this. I am reminded of the Proverbs 31 woman. For years I struggled to be just like her….so perfect, so complete…..it very nearly led to self distruction. I learned later to use “her” as a model, an encouragement. She was after all a mom, a wife, a boss, a business woman, a cook, a teacher, a friend, a seamstress. Teaching children to become independent and industrious is a large part of what it means to “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” As children get older, they certainly should take an active role in the daily running of the household….it’s a safe place to learn about how life will be when they have their own home. Part of building a strong marriage and family is dependent on getting Dad involved in the lives of the kids…David is a born teacher and I can think of on one better qualified to teach those precious kids the subjects they need. And as my pastor said just yesterday….it is not wrong to make money….it is wrong to worship it. Tia and David are so far from worshiping the dollar, its the last thing I would worry about for them. It is not wrong to want to make enough so you can provide the basics that lots of us take for granted….when we’ve had higher paying jobs and not near the medical setbacks they have had. Or maybe we just convienently forget how we bought all those things on credit and its taken us 20 years to pay it off, where Tia and David have turned from those ways and done what most of us only wish we’d done sooner if at all. Sorry friends, but this “mother bear” still will rush to her cub’s defense even though she’s a mother bear too.
on 17 Sep 2007 at 7:26 pm 11.bannergranny said …
Oh and one more thing…I know I made alot of mistakes with my girl’s upbringing while trying to build a business. I feel very confident they won’t make the same mistakes, but will learn from mine. Anyone who knows our family, will know that we are the ones who break the bad cycles.
on 17 Sep 2007 at 7:30 pm 12.Tamara said …
what the devil is a “Kathryn Sansone” and who cares what it does or does not do ????
if someone wants to be poverty stricken and breed babies and waller in their self rightousness ..well more power to those idiots I guess….
God wants our kids smart,well fed and well provided for and ready to carry the Word thru the world…sometimes that means Mama staggering out of the prayer meeting and making more than “the ends meet”
on 17 Sep 2007 at 9:00 pm 13.SmallWorld said …
Tia, I DID hear you mention getting a haircut the other day….I think that might indicate that you are, indeed, falling into materialistic, Sansome-like trappings! Next thing I know, you might be getting yourself a pedicure! Geez, I’m glad you didn’t lick my bleu-cheese platter; I might have become CONTAMINATED!
on 18 Sep 2007 at 7:29 am 14.Sixgunsue said …
#
Matt. 7: 1-2
1 a Judge not, that ye be not be judged.
2 For with what a judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again
Yeah, what he said. Couldn’t have said it better, so I shant!
Tia, carry on!
You make me proud to be a mom and wife and talented something or other. Who will one day make $$$ doing said something or other. I’d better clarify this soon before rumors fly about what the something… or… other is.
On the other hand, Poor Kathryn Sansone! Does she have a clue that she has inadvertently become the measurement of selfishness to which we all compare ourselves and apparently each other.
True, I don’t well identify with her, but I can think of far more wicked and selfish women.
Some of them go to my church!
It is for this very reason I’ve decided to avoid visiting the Oprah show…you know to avoid getting recognized for the Maternal Godess I am, and then have to write a book about myself, so other lower mommies who aren’t seriously hindered by obscene wealth are forced to compare their more humble selves to me.
It’s worked so far! Nobody knows me at ALL!
By the way, wealth isn’t obscene, but flashing it and holding it up as THE standard to which we all should aspire is.
Keep on rockin in the (somewhat temporarily) free world Tia! Salute!
on 18 Sep 2007 at 7:59 am 15.Tia said …
Wow! Well I love you all…thanks for the voices of support! And Smallworld…you cracked me up. True, true my “once a year hair cut”, is proof enough that I haven’t changed *yet* LOL. Here I was looking for much more profound evidence when the REAL proof is upon my head!
Sigh…oh it’s so funny. If only my friend C knew the angst I have over a 4 inch hair cut or needing to keep my nails pretty or overgrown eyebrows or not knowing how to put together a “business lunch” outfit..I think she’d consider me quite safe from becoming anything like…well… you know.
There is, after all, a world of difference between working your behind off for the benefit of your family and being absent from them from a long day of grooming, playing, and socializing.
on 18 Sep 2007 at 8:35 am 16.gina said …
I have to admit, when I first read this post yesterday, I felt bummed. Here is the girl that has been so strong and vocal in her belief of raising children- even going the distance in homeschooling and posting her opinions and tips for all to attack. I at first thought, this is a bit of hipocrisy, she’s changing what she stands for, but she’s not. It’s a different phase that she’s entering. If we all stay stagnant, boy that’s a great life isn’t it?! It’s so ironic that just this Sunday I started an Excellent Wife SS. Of course Proverbs 31 is the first section. I applied it dutifully Sunday- doing all the right things- and by night’s end- blew the pressure cooker top. I suppose it’s the redhead temper, but He didn’t notice a darn thing- not that that’s the point afterall.But it is a hard thing to achieve being the most excellent wife in this day and age. We can only be spread so thin- so my only hope for you Tia is that this job doesn’t rob you of any extra time cause we are already short on that, aren’t we? I think the fact that you started knowing not so much about computers to being more computer literate than most and are able to do that at home is great! I consulted for a while myself for the City doing laboratory database work. I know that you will definately be the one to make sure that your children don’t suffer- that we know for sure and so blessings to you as you enter this new phase! And cudos for taking the step forward to post it here. Very Deliberate:-)
on 18 Sep 2007 at 2:04 pm 17.Mary in Tennessee said …
Tia,
I have been reading your blog for several months now. I have never doubted for a moment: You do live Proverbs 31. Every day.
on 19 Sep 2007 at 9:53 pm 18.Queenofthehill said …
Wow! I’m just seeing all this controversy for the first time, and I have to say: YOUR MOM ROCKS!!!
You go, Bannergranny!
Tia, I’m so happy you found something that you both enjoyed doing and could use to help meet your financial goals.