the most important part of being a “good mommy” is working with what you got…if that means living in Darfur and eating rats, you work with what you got…you still say grace over the nasty things and try to make them edible…

ain’t nothing easy about being a mother to any one who makes more than a half assed effort to the matter…. worse yet is the “slug along” woman who does what is expected not because she needs to do it for her family but because she just flows with the crowd hoping to not make waves…

rasberry to that sort every time !!!!

In the future, please do not sign your name corporately; you have no idea the hurt you would have spared had you clarified who was saying what in the first place.

Chris, I am not your mother, nor am I making her choices.

Christi, I am not distancing myself from my children in hopes of sparing myself pain should I lose them as I did Clara. (regarding emailed note) Nor am I stuffing my pain down through intentional overwork.

I appreciate the intention behind both of your notes.

peace to you both.

Your friend in books,
Kelly Ayers

a)admitting you’re a man AND being so bold as giving child nurtuing advice when it is obvious you think it is “womans work” (what’s next…will you tell her how to push thru contractions ?? maybe breast feeding tips???)

b)thinking that Titus 2 has anything to do with a shock jock radio shrink

c) and how your goofy prejudices should be inflicted on Tia…

ewwwwwwwwww….gosh can’t you just go away and take your negative energy with you ???

My definition of the ideal FTM is a married, stay-at-home mother whose majority of attention is given to the nurturing and training of her children. Mothers who must (key word “must”) work outside the home or in a home-business are no less of a mother. It’s just that their attention has been greatly diverted. It’s like when a couple marries. The Scriptures state that the married are not able to give their full attention to God because they need to meet the needs of their spouse. Spouses meeting one another’s needs is just as important to God as a single person giving his/her full attention to Godly service. An FTM will also be the help, support and all-around companion her husband needs in order to properly fulfill his role as provider and leader of his home. An FTM will also be the keeper (guardian, caretaker) of her house. Titus 2 clearly expresses this definition of an ideal FTM as well as well-known radio psychologist, Dr. Laura Schlesinger.

My sentiments expressed in my Sept. 17th comment stem from my growing-up experience. Let me state that I love my parents, and nothing I am about to say is meant to offend them. From the time I was 8, my mother began working outside the home with my father. As a result, my younger sister and I – we being the two youngest – were not given the proper attention we needed during those formative years. Thus, distance resulted. My parents, when I was in my late twenties, told us that they neglected us, allowed their work to interfere with our upbringing, and apologized for it. Personally, I have realized that some of my behaviors and responses to things stem from their actions. However, with my now knowing this, I am in the process of correcting these behaviors and responses – behaviors and responses which include keeping relationships at a distance so that I won’t “get hurt” if the relationship ends (even through death).

By my wife being able to stay-at-home (which according to her has been her lifelong desire), I already see a difference in relationship between me and my family (wife and children) and that of mine growing up. I am sensitive to the needs of my children because of this – those needs being quality time as well as quantity – time which is more than just being in the same house or room with them. This “Q-Time” is time filled with book reading, bible reading, puzzles/games, singing songs and other forms of play. Unfortunately, most homes (including Christian homes) lack Q-Time. This time can be taken away with activities which separate the family – activities which include but are not limited to both parents working at/for/in a business either inside or outside the home or both, sports, dance or music lessons, church activities of all sorts, etc. Let me clarify myself by saying that none of these things listed are bad in and of themselves. However, none of these activities can ever replace Q-Time as well as too many of these activities can definitely interfere with it.

Lastly, I must comment about the hostility by almost all who commented to my posting – comments which ya’ll directed towards my wife since ya’ll assumed she made the comment. Without a doubt, a portion of them were sarcastic comments as well as most being judgmental, not thought through and basically written out of anger. To comment that way towards someone that 99% of you don’t know is not only wrong but vicious. It was as if I was being stoned for expressing a different opinion – to someone we know – from the normal “You go girl” or “That’s great” or “Whatever you want to do is fine”. We must remember that “Faithful are the wounds of a friend…” as well as “Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed”, both passages from Proverbs 27. Any opposing comments ever expressed have never been meant in a mean-spirited, malicious, vicious or spiteful fashion. Anything that I have commented (my wife may have responded once a long time ago) has been to encourage or to kindly act as a correction to what I see as being misguided thinking. In the end, we all decide what we choose to do. As a director of an organization, I expect my staff to confront me with opposing ideas as well as kind rebuke or criticism for whenever I do things which aren’t right and which can be viewed as hurting my testimony for Christ.

I could have responded earlier to comments to my comment, but I wanted to make sure that I was writing my thoughts down clearly. It’s a lesson to me on not letting my passion cloud my meaning. Thank you for allowing me to clarify myself.

Shine On: I appreciate the sentiment you expressed. Kathryn though, put herself out there; I reviewed her book and weighed her suggestions. While I agree we need to support one another as *women*, I do not agree that all choices are equal. I think sometimes it’s tempting to sweep a heck of a lot of bad choices under the “this works for me” rug, when in fact those choices may have very damaging consequences.

Making sure I am making the best choice I can, and evaluating that choice periodically, is one way I *do* value myself and my family. I’m not into sticking with one choice solely because it’s easier, or my favorite rut…and investigating other ways and then examining them (the ways, not the people) in the light of my convictions is the way I do that. Caring about myself and my family enough to go through the difficult process of challenging my comfort zone is valuing our worth, imo.

Thanks for the comment and the thoughts. Tangents always welcome here!

Each mom’s situation is different. Each mom does what she can to provide the best life for her children. We all do that in different ways. What brings success to some, doesn’t work for others, but I would encourage us not to be jealous or spiteful, judgmental or critical of others, but to respect their successes in this ever changing role of motherhood. That said, without knowing Kathryn Sansone, I think it would be wiser for us to celebrate how she finds success in her life than judge her without knowing.

I certainly don’t want to tell you or any other mother that they’re not really being a good mom or doing what’s best for their kids, because I’m not in their situation. I’m not them. I’m not here to judge others, but to learn from them. Take the good with the bad and make the most out of my own parenting and my own life.

Just a thought.

I think kids benefit from the variety of getting out of the house and seeing different children, doing different things. I also think that mothers benefit from getting a break from their kids—it lets you clear your head a bit, maybe plan your day or just relax.

As long as kids have strongly committed and caring parents, as you clearly are, they can thrive in a variety of situations. Each family’s needs and wants are unique, and they shouldn’t be expected to all follow the same pattern.