Life before 2008 10 Nov 2007 09:52 am
Honesty
This is a hard post to write and I’ve put it off for as long as I could. In my mind, I’ve gone over probably a hundred ways to say and handle how to approach what’s going on in my life right now, on this blog, in a way that both respects privacy and is congruent with my primary content here, keeping in mind that a good deal of my readership enjoys following the characters of my family and the way the changes we make work their way out in real time.
But so it goes that there is no easy way to say it. With friends and family, all those I had the strength to tell, I’ve just been saying it: “We’re getting divorced”. And it’s true. The paperwork is filed, the lawyers hired, the process of purging well on it’s way. What am I purging? There’s an ocean more beneath the surface of a statement like that that is not appropriate or necessary on a blog (such a tiny window of a person’s life). But what is absolutely germaine to the content on this site, “Living Deliberately”, is that there was a secret, yet very high, level of disfunction I’ve been propping up and supporting and it’s not something I can do anymore.
Looking inside, trying to take thing by thing, in order to become as authentic as possible, has a way of strengthening a person to see what they tried to ignore. And maybe I’m not so guilty of ignoring it but rather, of taking something ugly and trying to make it seem pretty, when all the while it was ugly to the core and quite harmful. Harm has a ripple effect and the only way to stop a cycle like that is to reach the source.
Life is going to be full of changes; I’m sure more than I now know. But there’s a funny thing about purging and cleansing and confession…it heals. I’m looking forward to it.
* note to readers: this post had been pulled over the previous month but I’ve decided to reinsert it into the archives, as it marks an important change and is ultimately, part of the fabric of this site. Comments are closed.
on 10 Nov 2007 at 10:33 am 1.Jill said …
Oh, hug across the internet.
on 10 Nov 2007 at 10:36 am 2.Beth said …
You know I’m with you. You’ll land on both feet, I’m sure of it. Honesty is tough, isn’t it? But naming what IS is the only way to see changes happen. I’m thinking of you, and your kiddos.
on 10 Nov 2007 at 10:40 am 3.Lissa said …
I’m sorry for the pain that such a realization must have caused, but so glad for the positivity of your outlook. My thoughts are with you, and your authenticity.
on 10 Nov 2007 at 1:45 pm 4.Sarah said …
Hugs.
on 10 Nov 2007 at 3:31 pm 5.Cathy said …
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Psalm 30:5
on 11 Nov 2007 at 10:38 am 6.dalimama said …
You are in my thoughts and prayers, Tia. I am here for you, strong woman.
on 11 Nov 2007 at 3:22 pm 7.KMH said …
Tia,
My thoughts are prayers will be with you all during this rough time.
Kim H
on 11 Nov 2007 at 3:29 pm 8.carrie said …
Oh my. I’m here if there is anything you need or want. (((Tia)))
on 11 Nov 2007 at 8:31 pm 9.Mimi said …
Love, hugs and prayers during this difficult time.
on 11 Nov 2007 at 8:38 pm 10.Julie Bogart said …
Hope your trip to TN went well. Jon told me you’d posted this entry and I’ve been gone so missed it until now. Just wanted you to know that I’m thinking about you every day.
Love,
Julie
on 11 Nov 2007 at 9:08 pm 11.Kyra said …
Sometimes life interferes with…well….life.
Would that fairy tales were all that simple
You know that I know.
on 11 Nov 2007 at 11:54 pm 12.Michael said …
We’ve been a part of each other’s lives over the past seventeen years with varying degrees of involvement. I sat across from you at a restaurant five years ago and expected your involvement in mine to lessen, if not end.
All I knew going in was honesty. And it’s all I know now. I owe it to myself and to everyone in my life.
Your courage and strength overwhelms me. Your ambition and drive inspires me. You are indeed a rock star, and you will continue to shine.
Beers are on me…soon.
on 12 Nov 2007 at 12:33 am 13.mumsgather said …
I don’t normally comment but I’ve got to say something. I’m sorry you have to go through this but somehow I have a feeling that not only will you survive it but you will grow and become better for having to go through this. Take care.
on 12 Nov 2007 at 1:30 pm 14.Cheap Like Me said …
Best wishes and care to you and your family.
on 12 Nov 2007 at 6:05 pm 15.Pea said …
Oh Tia, I’m sorry. God bless you and yours.
on 12 Nov 2007 at 7:13 pm 16.Mark said …
Tia:
I’ve commented occasionally on you delightful blog, and wanted to leave a few words now. So sorry to hear about your family problems. Know that you are not alone in this and that many of us have been where you are. Take a deep breath and be grateful for your courage. It isn’t easy to do what you are doing. Too many people live long lives of desperate unhappiness. Sady. You’ve got some tough times ahead. Dark days filled with self doubt. It’s only normal. Hang tough and know that you and your family will get through this. Focus on the kids, focus on the future, focus on the good things this change brings. It will, I am sure, be tough for the kids for now. They will adjust. And after a bit, they will understand that it is better to have two happy parents who live apart than two unhappy parents who live together.
Peace and love.
Mark
on 12 Nov 2007 at 10:57 pm 17.Ampersand said …
“Looking inside, trying to take thing by thing, in order to become as authentic as possible, has a way of strengthening a person to see what they tried to ignore.”
Tis true.
I wish for all your family health and wholeness of being.
on 13 Nov 2007 at 2:01 pm 18.Just me said …
I’m a lurker. Have been.
I have nothing intelligent to say for you, but I want you to know that what you said has been intelligent for ME.
I am struggling with my own authenticity… with 22 years of infidelity and sorrow and ’settling’. Mostly because I’m afraid to say those words: we’re getting a divorce.
I hope that I can find the courage in your life to live mine.
AUTHENTIC. That is indeed what I desire for both of us.
I wish you well.
on 14 Nov 2007 at 7:34 am 19.David said …
Comment removed by site owner due to it’s nature.