One Thing I Have Learned 21 Nov 2007 03:51 pm
Hey women readers: What is your pms flavor?
Some women get moody. Others, bitchy. And still others, weepy. I myself get apprehensive. It’s a trait about myself that I hate…seems to me it would be much easier to bloat, or snip everyone’s head off, or attack the chocolate aisle in the store. Mainly, I think it would be easier because these are all more predictible and conventional. Instead? I need hugs. Reassurance. And not many know what to do with that. In fact, many, in my experience, find it downright annoying.
Not expecting anyone, especially men, to be mind readers, I’m in the practice of giving a sort of announcement to those immediately around me when I get like this. One line, “I don’t feel good”, or “I feel quiet today”. What it means is this: I want to go curl up in a bed with a blanket and be loved on. In the event that that can’t happen (and when can it ever?!) I will crawl into myself for a day of quiet. I will not make decisions on this day. I will not analyze relationships; all of that is very dangerous territory when one wants to be comforted and reached for and finds life uncooperative. I will go about my day, get my work done, go through the motions and wait for it to pass with as little language as possible. This is a day for kissing sentimental photos and grieving broken momentos. It’s Uber-reflective. (yes, LOL, even I gag at the thought of this much sentimentality…I don’t like this about myself, remember?)
I’m learning to accept this for what it is. In the context of life, people will always let you down. Today, I even let myself down. Here where I am now, I feel great pressure upon my chest, not because of my wonderful family but because of the state we are in and it’s sleepy, ancient landscape. The one exception to that is the ocean and it was where I headed today with my babes. I needed the constancy and vastness of it all. The deep aqua and green, the cresting waves. I love the ocean in all of it’s moods, stormy and churning grey days included. Today it glistened with white sunshine and lake-like waves. Hmmm…part of the word, “glisten” is “listen” and I think the ocean did that as well. I was quiet and yet felt heard. What a marvel.
I wonder if women didn’t make investments, relationship choices, or major decisions on days when their hormones soar, how different (if at all) the world would look? I have one friend who’s husband encourages her to clear her calendar for a few days every month to take it easy during that time. He helps with the kids and allows for a little TLC via hugs, baths, and dinner brought in. I admit to being green with envy sometimes about that! Overall, this aspect of our lives is just one more thing to navigate and live with to the best of our ability. To the good of those around us, it behooves us to figure it out I suppose. There are days though, when I’d like to just find a communal rock and sleep it off.
on 22 Nov 2007 at 10:24 pm 1.dalimama said …
My PMS has changed over the years…
in my teens, I felt mostly suicidal during PMS.
In my twenties, I’d still get depressed but worse yet I’d question every single decision I’d ever made in my entire life on PMS days and it would leave me feeling nutty.
I am not sure when the reevaluating of every decision finally subsided but it has for the most part. I guess I’ve learned to let go of the past but at the time all of the questioning seemed hormonally driven because I wouldn’t do it much on other days of the month.
Now, PMS seems to mean bitchiness although I don’t see it in myself. My husband and oldest son seem to notice it. I think I have less patience on those days and don’t like to call it bitchiness. I just am less willing to let someone walk all over me and not be appreciative when I am doing them a favor by driving them to pick up their friends and I take 15 mins. in the grocery store along the way instead of 5 mins. (This was the most recent occurence).
Anyway, here’s a cyber hug for you. (((Tia)))
on 13 Mar 2008 at 5:28 pm 2.Julie said …
Like you, I get apprehensive and very introspective and self critical. Over the years, I have recognized this pattern and when in the midst of it I say to myself that “next week it will be better”. I just wish I would caught on earlier. It would have made these times a bit easier.