Really Living 24 Jul 2008 08:35 am
Accessory.
Yesterday at the pool my 7 year old was swimming with another 7 year old…a cute kid with dark curls and sparkling eyes. They were tossing back and forth a water rocket and diving for it. The kid’s grandma was nearby correcting him every 5 seconds or so. “You threw that too far to the right” (come and sit in time out). “You are walking in the water more than swimming” (come and sit in time out). “Don’t splash so much” (come and sit in time out). That poor kid couldn’t do a single thing right and spent more time sitting on the side of the pool than he did in the water. But what really got me was this:
in a low tone, staring down right into that baby’s eyes, she growled, “You. Sit. Still or I’ll knock your damn head right off your neck.”
And in one chilled instant I knew she was the kind of woman to be feared. That if she says that in public, she’ll say worse in private. I spoke to the lifeguards about it, who are now going to watch her more closely and say something (it’s their policy as a family institution). They would prefer I go through them if there is ever a problem to reduce conflict. It didn’t feel like I’d done enough though.
There is a commercial running in some parts of the country. A man and woman in a duplex are having dinner at their dining room table. Through the adjoining wall a loud fight can be heard. The couple shift uncomfortably, debating if they should say something or not. The question we all ask, “should I get involved?”. Finally, the man gets up and goes out the front door. The anticipation builds as the viewer wonders what he’s going to say to the wife-beating neighbor.
He knocks.
He has a bat.
He says, “I thought you just might want to use the bat.”
Because the point is, when we do nothing, we’re helping them continue. Our silence is a contributor. Knowledge is power and power requires responsibility. The witness always has less to lose than the victim.
on 27 Jul 2008 at 2:51 pm 1.Blondie said …
Having been on the receiving end of someone “helping,” I can honestly say that type of “help” is not wanted. I lived a life of hell for 3 months while CPS investigated and decided that there weren’t any problems after all. They tried to rip my family apart. They threatened to take my kids. And for what? Because someone tried to “help.” They knew more than I did, apparently. After being on the receiving end, I wouldn’t wish that kind of “help” on my worst enemy. We all have different ideas of what is right and what is wrong. We have all been raised in different environments. We should be mindful of our differences.
on 28 Jul 2008 at 8:03 pm 2.Musing said …
It breaks my heart to see children treated that way. I’m glad you told the lifeguards about her.
And thanks for stopping by Blogtations. Long time no see!
on 14 Aug 2008 at 11:35 am 3.Ren said …
I absolutely agree that as long as we accept this kind of behavior towards children, nothing changes. It is NOT acceptable to threaten, intimidate or hit those smaller than adults. Nor is it acceptable to stand by and idly watch it happen.
Now how to help? That’s the sticky part. Watching, intervening with offers of “Can I help you with those groceries, you look like you’re having a rough day” or some other distraction.
I’ve point blank said “You should be nicer to your kid” or “please don’t hit your baby”.
It’s a big, huge “it depends” but I am one that tends to speak up. It can be done in a way that is kind and truly helpful. CPS doesn’t usually do much good.
I don’t buy the “everyone has different ideas of what is right and wrong” because a rapist probably has a different idea than I do also but that doesn’t make his/her actions acceptable. Hitting a child is wrong. Threatening to knock their head off is WRONG. To the very core of my being I believe we need to protect the most vulnerable in society.
Even if it’s simply letting that child know, by speaking up, that the behavior not acceptable.