Really Living & money and Dave R. 27 Apr 2009 12:50 pm
On the privilege of motherhood…
I haven’t had a lot to say lately, mostly because I’ve been doing two things: living a very full life in such vivid color that there is no energy for both living it and talking about it, and, thinking stuff in my head through that hasn’t crossed over to “articulate enough to print”.
One of those things is the endless advice mothers get about their children and how often ideals must be set aside for the sake of honoring what is best not for your ideal children in an ideal world but for your unique children in a very flawed, messy world. Another of those things is the memory of how often I’ve chosen things for my own children that live outside of the Ideal Box, shunned all that well-meant but too-far-removed advice, and gone with what I knew in my heart was best for them. Coupled with it, of course, comes the memories of years of chasing ideals, adopting ideals, and letting them become my other gods. These decisions always missed the mark and left a scar pointing in the direction of where I should have been.
In my heart I knew that birthing them the way I did was right for them. I never regret the project that went unfinished because I was nursing and napping with my baby but I’ve often regreted weaning too early because of a number and someone else’s opinion. We spent long days together that became long years together, making mud, prowling the library, sleeping in, and cooking, doing that right thing called “Homeschooling”. We hiked past national monuments, through deep snow, and all through China Town doing that right thing called, “Be Safe”, which most certainly attacked ideals. And we’ll do it again, as this year, without a doubt, will hold its own life-changing choices as we pursue that right thing called, “Moving Onward”.
My friend Julie wrote a great piece today on Motherhood that took a few of my inarticulate thoughts and helped me find some form. Read it and then go find a kid and kiss ‘em. Motherhood doesn’t have to be martyrdom.
on 28 Apr 2009 at 8:44 am 1.autumnesf said …
Although it is hard to buck the system and well meaning voices where our children are concerned, I’ve also found it to be the most freeing of decisions also. I have a special place in my heart for those mothers that follow the lead of their own hearts and their own kids needs.