Living-Deliberately.com

That’s the truth of What Is.

Last week I took my babies to the ocean and we body surfed in waves that were more caribbean than North Florida. Sunlight glinted, causing us to shut our eyes tight to more than just splashing salt water. And in one of those waves, in a moment of utter contentment and happiness, I finally decided to stop posting on this blog. It was just like that: a wave came, I let my body glide along with it, the two of us moved together a little closer to shore, babies laughed and called to each other, sunshine warmed us, and when I stood up, I knew I was ready to close a door.

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This blog documents a lot of history. In many ways I was a different person than the me I am now when I first started writing here. The texture of my family most certainly was different. Our environment was one that will never exist in that form again.  Since the axis point of our life change I have debated how long I would continue here; many, many days the energy here has not seemed to fit. It’s been restrictive and I don’t feel the freedom to express. But so much change happened at one time and it was necessary not to let everything go at once.

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I’m ready to turn the key in new locks. I’m ready for new walls and new folders and fresh air.  For awhile I thought I could accomplish the same feeling with different paint. But the feng shui was off and the past year and a half has shown me that no matter the arrangement of things, what I have to say and express would leave wrists and ankles hanging bare. It’s just constricting. Not that the things I talk about or want to share are really all that different…but it seems time to say them in a different room.

I thought the new place would need to feel very open to possibility. My life right now is still gypsie-like, with only a few hard and fast parameters. I have to bend and flex daily like no other time in my life and have a very open mind to evolving visions and destinations. There isn’t a lot of space for locked in philosophies or ideologies and I don’t feel like the voice to promote one of those anyway. Life is made of moments and of very earnest people just taking those moments and making of them what they can. No boxes, no pattern pieces stamping us all out in a row.

One of my favorite things about my “new” life is that the incredible variety of people I now come into contact with. Part of that is the power of the internet and of running an online business. But it happens in person too. It’s an amazing high to meet someone from an entirely different background and demographic and find common ground. And most of the time that commonality is over small things we each savor in the midst of our very different journeys.

I wanted the new space to embrace that. I wanted to convey the happy moments that surface even in the midst of the frenzied pace most of my days carry. I’ve got a lot on the menu and I know most everyone else does too. Sometimes, when I’m pushing through to make it to the next thing, I put in one earbud and turn on my ipod and sing. To no one but me. And it probably looks odd, especially when I stop at a traffic light and my windows are down because my van AC doesn’t work. I’m sure I seem “touched” by the heat and a little off kilter. But it always works. By the end of whatever song I was in the mood for, I found enough strength to quit obsessing about my worries and my depleted stamina and to keep going.

So the new site is called www.singingtomyself.com. I’m sure I’ll write there but for now it’s mostly photo moments; snapshots of what gives me a happiness shot in the arm. Things are a little bare and plain over there right now and that’s just what I want. Air. Light. Open possibilities.  This site will remain up; gratefully the archives still prove helpful to readers just finding a response to a few things they were searching for. I’m lucky to have been where I have been and blessed anyone read what I wrote along the way. Like any book with chapters, it’s time to turn the page.

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