Living-Deliberately.com

“They” say the best strategy for goal attainment is to write them down, break them into baby steps, and revisit them. Here are some of my stated goals for this year:

Goals for 2008:

(obviously not a complete list):

• continue to learn and train as necessary for my first sprint-level Triathlon; I want to do my first in the spring of ‘09 so the bulk of my learning and prep should be within this year.
• obtain and learn to play the guitar (leftover goal from last year, completely untouched).
• read fiction again this summer.
• paint again.
• hit my buisiness goal.
• transition my children healthfully, teaching them to live honestly, loving them patiently.
• continue, and to some extent return to, eating whole, traditonal foods prepared at home, wherever home comes to be.

And here’s the update:

1. Triathlon efforts continue. I’ve increased my running to include a 3rd lap of my route. I’ve decided I LOVE the end result of running…the toning, the clear mind, the endurance built. I HATE the process of running! It’s boring as heck. I don’t listen to music because I’m concerned I need to be listening for traffic and safety threats. Lap one means I’m having my “worry appointment” and sorting out all the crud in my life that needs to be chewed. Lap 2 means I’m feeling like puking, wishing I could be in childbirth instead and cussing to the caedance of my footfalls. Lap 3 means the worst is over… some kind of stupid mental and physical hurtle has been crossed…I’m smiling because I’m working on a balinese meditation method and I feel strong. In honesty, I *could* run a fourth lap by that point I’m bored out of my gourd and always head in home. It’s time for a shake up in my routine!!! And, I should actually *measure* my distance because I still don’t really know how far I’m going.
2. Fortunatley, one is coming! I have a bike!!! It’s not a racing bike but will get me on two wheels and street riding. I’ve got to refurb it and clean it first. It’s impetus enough to get a helmet and a little variety in the work out. I don’t know what to look for in a helmet…any advice?
3. BWWWWAHAHHHAHAHHAHAAA!!!! Oh joy!!! My beautiful GUITAR!!! I LOVE IT. My fingers have unfamiliar callouses that still take getting used to. I can play enough chords to strum a few favorite songs and am learning to finger pick. I started working with a capo last week. Lots of fun with different keys now! Sitting with my guitar has been tremendously therpeutic and fun. What a happy spot!
4. AND I’m painting again! I’m painting what I dream and I’m working in oils, part of a goal from last year. I finished one painting this weekend and have another in progress. There’s a whole ‘nother post coming on how many times Art and creative expression has saved my life. It may never earn me a dime or hang in anyone’s home but my own but I never feel more honest with myself, more true to who I really am, than when I have my fingers in paint.
5. Fiction in the summer? Gee… I hope so! But I’m really not much of a TV watcher and I got ahold of some fiction recently and decided not to wait. The Kiterunner was first, followed by A Thousand Splendid Suns, and A Year of Wonders. All of them excellent reads. They were good breaks in the more vigorous line up of “recommended for therapy” titles also on my nightstand.
6. (it was somewhere in this past month that I realized painting, singing, and reading have always been a part of my life since early childhood…and if I ever go years at a time without doing any of them again, I ought to take a good hard look at what’s causing that).
7. Business is recovering from a rocky season of too-much travel and disruption. Hopefully that will continue.
8. The children are doing well, though this particular goal will be many years in the meeting and is only in it’s infancy. And it’s much too private to go into detail over.
9. Whole foods…could still improve quite a bit here. I did manage to quit the Buffalo Wings Dorito habit. And I’m nearly addicted to sushi, which is a pretty dang healthy food option. But my diet really does need more good yogurt, soaked beans and grains, and fruit. Coffee is not a food group and I need to work harder on remembering that. There is also WAY too much white sugar going on….though my cupcakes of late have been made with Turbinado. I should give sucanat a try……

Because I’m doing much better on my goals than I expected to, I’m going to add in a few more that I think are healthy and necessary and currently not present enough in my life:

• work on “greening” things up a bit more….compost the food scraps, contribute to the garden, be more diligent with power consumption (turn off this ‘puter at night!), use a reusable water bottle instead of buying them…etc.
• get my budget written. I am now “variable income” and Dave has sheets for that. It’s time to get very, very intentional with money, more than I ever have done so before; there’s no excuse not to because I certainly know better!
• kayak…another long time wish that I’ve done nothing to attain. Saying it in writing is a start.

Okay…so now it’s YOUR turn! Blog your own goal progress and leave me a link in the comments. Also, link to this post in your own post. I’ll take the names off all who participate and randomly draw one to receive a FREE UseAgainBag…a reusable grocery bag, completely made in America (fabric included), with super-strong handles, hooks for the baggers, and a deep capacity. This ain’t the cheapies they sell for a few bucks that look like they could fall apart in a few trips….made in China, of course! I promise you’ll love your bag! (And for those not in the contest or who just want to buy your own…there is currently free shipping all all orders!)

Over recent weeks we’ve seen quite a few new foods come our way, each their own little adventure. One of my Living Deliberately goals for the year is to get back to whole foods, Nourishing Traditions foods, and from that lifestyle/book there are many things I’ve yet to try. Not all the new foods I’ve had this winter would qualify as a traditional food in the ancient sense but all have been really fun! In fact, there hasn’t been a dud in the bunch.

Nourishing Tradition’s Cassoulet (French Bean Casserole), made with goat and duck. I usually make this with beef and chicken, not having access to the lamb and duck it calls for. But we had homegrown goat meat available and at christmas, ducks are in most stores. That led to a holiday Cassoulet, that rich, ney almost decadent, dinner casserole that begs for a dry wine and crust of bread. I was honestly nervous about goat meat and skeptical of the growing goat market that led my friend to raise them for meat in the first place. But the Cassoulet has a lot of mingling of flavors…you saute onion and celery, soak beans, add spices, and top it with sausage and cheese. I honestly could not tell the tender goat meat from beef roast.

Duck meat, which became three meals: We (my friend and I) purchased the long, skinny duck, thinking we’d only use it for the Cassoulet. But that night we needed an easy dinner and the duck was thawed, so we roasted it. I cut the legs and thighs away for the Cassoulet and we had the rest for that night’s dinner. Much like chicken’s dark meat, my friend felt there wasn’t enough difference with it to buy it again. And at elevated prices, maybe not. But I liked how it was sweeter than chicken; I could see why it’s usually topped with a fruit glaze of some sort. It was fattier (which makes it a good choice for Cassoulet) and tastier. A little went a long way in the satisfaction department. That led to a Duck Carcass, which we threw into the stock pot and simmered overnight with a ton of veggies. The result was a rich duck broth that became soup two days later.

Moose Stew: Game is a traditional food that our mainstream culture has deviated away from for a variety of reasons; availabilty and cultivation ease being two primary ones I’m sure. But my friend also had a good portion of Moose in her freezer! I’m wary of things tasting “gamey” (bad memories of a not-so-great serving of venison as a child) so the same Goat-Skepticism repeated itself. I think the cut was a tenderloin, slow cooked with typical stew veggies, spices, and broth. The result? Fall-apart tender meat in a stew that was hearty and filling and I’m not sure I’d have known it wasn’t beef if she hadn’t have told me. It was more flavorful than the beef I’ve been buying in recent years…maybe it had a natural amount of umami ? (which naturally occurs with proteins and does not necessarily need the quick-trip-to umami that MSG provides).

Home Grown pork: My friend also raised pigs and they slaughtered a bunch this past fall. My first night at her house she served pork chops and veggies….typical Americana meal right? Well kinda. Because there was nothing typical about those pork chops! They tastes like the chops of my childhood, meaning the difference could be tasted between them and dried out white-meat chicken! I stopped buying pork a few years ago because it tastes like chicken anyway due to the feeding/leanness of it. “The Other White Meat” is always tasteless and dry. Not these…meaty, “porky” (how does one describe a tender and juicy pork chop, with just the right amount of browned edge?). It was weeknight nirvana.

Kombucha: Okay…weird. On the counter, for weeks at a time, containing two NT baddies: white sugar and black tea, sat two big jars, each topped with some kind of egg-white floaty thing and a sheet of paper towel. This would be Kombucha, a traditional drink in the NT cookbook, that is fermented with a “kombucha mushroom”. This “symbiotic colony of bacteria” starts with a “mother” that grows a “baby” , ferments the tea (not alchoholic), and somehow removes the negative qualities of the sugar and tea. The result is an amazinging refreshing drink that also boosts the immune system and settles nausea. Which, by the way, turned out to be a huge deal because between my friend and I we had 8 children and 3 adults…and over our trip every single one of us took a turn with a 24 hr. puke virus. That’s a lot of vomit. And glasses of Kombucha were invaluable! It really does settle the nausea, keep one hydrated on something better than gatorade, and moves the bug through the system quickly. One nearby Kombucha maker experiments with many teas…his Coconut version was heavenly. He also had a Thai variety and a blueberry. It all depends on the tea chosen. I was won over but alas, I left my “Boocha Baby” behind  accidentally. I think the NT cookbook has a mail order resource.

SUSHI: I saved my hands-down favorite for last. For years I’ve wanted to try sushi but have always been too nervous and intimidated by the price to experiment with alone. The “raw” factor is part of that. On one of my “gosh this a awfully bad and nasty day” holes recently, a friend who knew I needed a hug and a little adventure took me out to a Japenese buffet that had newly opened. It was beautiful…all that fresh food laid out in pretty rows, the Hibachi grill nearby, and warming soup ready to be customized…the entire atmosphere was calming and comforting and exciting at the same time. My friend knew her sushi and guided me through each choice. She taught me the ginger and wasabi methods and I continued to work on my chopsticks mastery, albeit clumsily. And Oh. My. Word. Each bite was utterly fantastic. The white tuna was indeed buttery and soft, just like she said. The spicy roll was bright and had layered flavors that oozed umami most definitely. And I have been surprised at how addictive this stuff seems to be!! I crave sushi almost day now! My mouth waters just at the memory. Each bite so satisfying and fresh and wholesome-feeling; I have wondered and scolded myself more than once for letting it take so long for me to try it. Oh the sushi I have missed! May there be many chances to make up for it!!

Indeed, food recently has been a joy. My children and I have had yummy meals made lovingly by friends who’ve ministered through cuisine, we’ve eaten things in the height of their element and not been disappointed. I learned how to make bacon in the oven, savored local foods ordinarily not available to me, and was happily reminded that being afraid to try something new is usually silly. Take a bite, take a little risk, let your mouth be filled with new flavor. The world opens when you do!

Happy New Year!!! One of my very favorite days of the year…I like it better than christmas, better than my birthday. I like fresh starts, Anne-Shirley-ish reminders that, “tomorrow is a brand new day, with no mistakes”, chances to compare what has been with what is wanted and to make goals and adjustments and strategies for challenges. Today is a day for articulating deliberateness, full of gusto and intention. I love new calendars, new lists, hope and promise and anticipation.

At the end of 2007 I saw nearly everything in my life change. From weekend to weekend I don’t know where I’ll be…and yet we had a beautiful continuity with love, tradition, and memories. It has been a time for finding comfort in the intangible, for deep breaths knowing from experience that this grief will pass with time, for joy and discovery in the simple little things returning to me from long ago. I’ve conquered old fears (at least to some extent), adapted where I thought it was impossible, and opened doorways long in existance at the end of my mind’s hall but that seemed forever closed. With a year ending like that, it feels unlikely that the next will be mundane.

At the end of 2007:

What used to be: I loved music, movie soundtracks, new releases, multiple genres.

What has been: no fm radio, no mp3 technology, a quiet life with radio talk shows and occaissional music finds, usually via rhapsody.com or youtube.

What has become: burned CD’s from friends, a handed-down mp3 player loaded with music belieing a musical-kindred-spiritedness that was a beautiful surprise, and a car radio on the fm dial in multiple places, via a sort of hack involving an adapter and a CD player.

The result: MUSIC!!! New music, old music, lyrics for every emotion and thought, Orthodox worship when I can’t go to church, soundtracks that sweep. Music heals, helps one cope, express, and ventilate. It’s like soothing balm on cracked hands.

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What used to be: airplanes are large metal objects that have no business hurtling through the sky, and if they come down, we ought not be surprised.

What has been: major anxiety attacks when needing to fly…afraid of every bump and jostle, the fear palpable that I’d be in the next headline, having fallen and burned and crashed.

What has become: “it’s a like a bus”, so said a friend, and in so doing, gave me a great measure of freedom. Buses sway and move and make noises and really, an airplane isn’t so different. Sheer time saved makes flying worth the effort, even with crabby holiday travelers. Each flight gets a little easier and I no longer shake and tremble.

The result: I get “there” faster. I feel the world opening to me. I’ve let go of trying to control something that never was in my hands to control.

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Other changes were seeing my Total Money Makeover Beater turn over the 200k mileage mark, setting me on my way to reach my goal of taking the same Dodge Caravan engine and transmission over 269,000. The “Get Divorced Weight Loss Result”, that a friend described to me a year or so ago hasn’t failed…there’s no faster, nor more painful way to loose 15 lbs without even trying. But the flip side of the weight loss is that it’s better than sitting around getting fat and depressed and actually helps motivate me along on the Triathlon Goal.

It’s where I am: a divorcing, single mother of four children with a bad back and a slew of hopes and dreams, hanging onto the encouraging words of others who get me through every day. There’s adventure between every sunrise and set, there is the ordinary mixed with the incredible, there is the Thing To Deal With and the little moments of respite, be they a quick sketch with charcoal, a few chords on a friend’s guitar, or a new food I’ve waited years to try.

Goals for 2008:

(obviously not a complete list):

• continue to learn and train as necessary for my first sprint-level Triathlon; I want to do my first in the spring of ‘09 so the bulk of my learning and prep should be within this year.
• obtain and learn to play the guitar (leftover goal from last year, completely untouched).
• read fiction again this summer.
• paint again.
• hit my buisiness goal.
• transition my children healthfully, teaching them to live honestly, loving them patiently.
• continue, and to some extent return to, eating whole, traditonal foods prepared at home, wherever home comes to be.

************

My calendar this year is a collection of Rodin’s sculptures. I love them because they hold in time moments that are usually fluid, that catch our breath in our throats, that translate much larger than they tangibly seem. Catching the emotion of life in solid form was Rodin’s brilliance, taking motion and holding it, turning it, even as we notice and move onward. That sort of expresses what I want this year to hold…moments kept for thier profundity, even as take each step beyond.

The Living Deliberately Goal: Eat a diet that is nearly all whole foods, as organic and locally grown as possible.

Broken Down: While traveling, keep it to whole foods and avoid processed junk.

In usual circumstances, I’m a true home-body. I love to nest, love routine, love stability and structure. My happiest days are just after grocery shopping, looking at a pantry full of glass jars of beans and grains, and a fridge crammed full with rich, whole dairy and colorful produce. My co-op has bins of beautiful bulk items, honey dripping into bottles brought from home, with wooden floors and hip music playing in the background. I’ve frequently felt homesick in the past weeks and one of the places I long to return to is 3 Rivers, if not for a full grocery list, maybe at least for some cream top yogurt and coconut almond granola.

Living on the road has not been awful; I’ve had cozy places to stay, mom’s homey cooking now and then, warm dinners with friends, and there was the turkey-crammed holiday in there as well. Still, not so long ago I was cooking 21 meals a week, completely from scratch, surrounded by my own tools and ingredients. There is a contrast, no bones about it. Margarine exists in others’ fridges! Fast food means lots of soda offerings. There’s no co-op in this small town and finding whole milk is as good as it’s gonna get…forget finding non-homogenized or (shhh….) raw options. For weeks I couldn’t even find my way around a kitchen with a wit of sense.

This is where having a “seasonal” attitude has helped tremendously. This won’t last forever. The thought behind the meal matters much more sometimes than the actual content. And, making good choices hasn’t been impossible. For instance:

• I can always get water to drink, no matter where I go. That is a luxury in many parts of the world! So, NO SODA.
• A box of Frosted Mini Wheats has been a constant friend. A good dose of fiber, a filling meal in a pinch, and much cheaper than eating out…it’s also a comfort food of mine.
• Veggies can be had at least once a day, every day. Salad with dinner or carrot sticks to snack on or a side of peas. Getting some green while on the road is easier than it used to be.
• I’ve been eating foods containing MSG here and there, simply because it’s in SO MUCH and is often unavoidable without hurting someone’s feelings. And a grace has been that I’ve not had a single headache from it, a change from my usual reaction.
• I also have a box of granola bars in the car and a jar of roasted peanuts for a quick protein-jolt. There are bottled waters in the back and when I’m traveling far, milk in the cooler. I never used to pack snacks and I’m finding that this change in behavior has been a smart and helpful one.

I know/hope the day returns when I chart a week’s meals and head to my various grocery stores to get our “usual” foods again. In the meantime, it’s a comfort to realize that health doesn’t need to be abandoned just because the old context was removed. It feels good to see how far resiliency and flexibility can stretch a person, and how elements of value can exist in many realms. And, while it’s easy to make a little idol out of organic living, people always come before ideas. So, “please pass the margarine”.